Why Settling Is Detrimental to Your Love Life

Man and woman sitting on opposite sides of the bed upset

You’ve been around long enough to know if you’re settling. You know what you will and won’t put up when it comes to dating. From our childhood crush in grade school until now, most of us have a clear idea of what we’re searching for in a significant other. 

Currently, we see different types of relationships everywhere. We see the happy-go-lucky ones, the cutesy ones, the annoying me to my core ones, and the I-wish-I-wasn’t-in-one relationship. You have seen the celebrity couples’ paparazzi images to your best friend’s engagement announcement on social media. They are everywhere!

Even in the most irritating images, the couples always look so in love with each other. They gaze into each other’s eyes like they’re the only ones on this planet. They post cryptic romantic messages in long (or short) posts, affirming their undying love for each other. Everyone has the perfect relationship, as it would seem.

Typically, most people scroll through the posts without a second thought. If we’re feeling generous, we may offer a “like,” but that’s it. 

However, there are those times when life kicks us in the butt, and we become so overwhelmed with daily happenings. Those are the times when these showcases of affection can make us feel as though we’re missing out on something we genuinely want for ourselves.

While most of us clearly understand what we want from a partner, some don’t. Some want to get married, have kids, and live in a big house with a white picket fence. Others want someone who has ambition, with whom they can achieve goals together. Then some practically carry around a list of all the qualities they desire in a mate, such as communication, loyalty, a good sense of humor, trust, and respect.

However, it’s all about a numbers game. The more dates you go on, the more you’ll figure out what you want. But dating can also work to our disadvantage. The more you date, the less you can feel like you’ll actually find what you’re searching for. So, what’s the next move? Lowering your standards.

Unfortunately, lowering the bar may be your next move, but is it the right move? You may find someone to date, but will you truly be happy with your choice in the long run? We’re here to tell you that settling for less than what you want and deserve isn’t the way to go.

Of course, being single can get lonely when it seems everyone else on earth is in a happy, exciting, and loving relationship. But just because you haven’t found your perfect match doesn’t mean you should compromise and lower your standards.

Here is one piece of information you should understand: everyone, including you, deserves everything they want in a romantic relationship. 

Stop settling because you think you won’t get what you want out of a partner. If you want someone to whisk you away for an afternoon of fun every once in a while, that’s what you should get. If you need someone to be respectful and share their feelings, you should have that, too. If you’re looking for a partner who shares your same core values, don’t settle because you believe you can’t have that. Never give up on what you want because you might regret it.

When you settle, you must let go of something important to you. If you lower your expectations, it’s like you’re saying this thing no longer seems to matter to you. Is this something you can’t live without?

You’ve been single for so long, you may have convinced yourself that your standards are too high. But this is far from the truth. Of course, there are things you can compromise on. After all, you wouldn’t want to be too rigid in your quest for a long-term, healthy relationship. But it’s essential to recognize the difference between compromise and lowering your standards.

Compromise vs. Lowering Your Standards

When you compromise, you agree to meet your partner somewhere in the middle. Compromise doesn’t mean allowing another person to convince you to want and deserve less than you want. It’s all about reaching common ground that helps your relationship progress and flourish. 

When to Compromise

You’re not a total stickler. There are times when you may want to consider compromising, but that’s only after carefully considering your circumstances. Here are times when it’s okay to compromise.  

  • Have you been here before?: if you repeatedly find yourself in the same conflict, you may want to revisit the situation. This also goes for relationships.
  • Respect: Does the other person respect your compromise, or do they expect you to give in? If they appreciate your sacrifice, making a compromise isn’t a bad thing. 
  • Sometimes, one person does all the compromising, which demonstrates a lack of empathy on the other person’s part. Eventually, this causes animosity and tension within the relationship. In this case, the “winning” person should appreciate and acknowledge your sacrifice. If they don’t, they’ll likely continue expecting you to make extra compromises in the future.
  • Weighing the options: Sometimes, saying “no” feels good. For those people pleasers, telling someone no can place them back in power and reassert their rights. 
Friction in a relationship after settling
  • Is the issue worth the fight?: Only some things are worth the fight. Sometimes you need to pick your battles, so decide if this is something worth fighting for. By saying no, you’re also saying what you want counts. Ask yourself what’s going to happen if you refuse to compromise. Sometimes, holding your ground is the best thing you can do to boost your self-esteem.

Reasons Not to Settle

We’ve established and touched upon a few reasons why you shouldn’t settle. But let’s dig further into why settling should be a big no-no for any relationship. 

When you sign up for online dating sites like Elite Singles and Christian Mingle, don’t you express what type of relationship you’re looking for? (casual, long-term). When you specify what you’re searching for, you expect responses from others looking for the same. You knew what you wanted, so you didn’t lower your standards.

This is how it should be for relationships. You make a list of everything you’re searching for and then expect it. 

Even if you’ve been single for a while, don’t lower your expectations to find the right person who encompasses everything you’re looking for in a partner.

You may figure you could simply settle for someone you’re cool with rather than for the guy who makes your heart skip a beat every time you look at him. We say, don’t bother! Give it time, and soon you’ll find The One. Here are a few reasons why settling is not for you–or anyone else, for that matter.

Settling Is Done from Fear

Never relax into a relationship because you’re afraid of being lonely. Or because you’re scared you won’t find someone better. Don’t fear you’re not good enough to attract someone who’s crazy about the real you. Learn to be strong and not scared! You know you’re one tough nut, and you understand you’re destined for more in life, so don’t allow fear to run your life. Trust in everything you know and acknowledge that you deserve a strong, healthy relationship.

Ahh, the Business of Love

Some people treat marriage like a business contract, and in a sense, it is. When you say your vows, don’t you promise to love, cherish, and ob—, well, you know the rest. Of course, those antiquated vows are no longer relevant, so why should you treat a connection between two people like a contract? Good grief, what kind of connection is that?

I would rather spend time alone or with family and friends than commit to a passion-less relationship like that, but hey, that’s just me.

Passion Is Oh, so Good!

If you’ve never had passion in a relationship, you don’t know what you’re missing. Desire and attraction spice up a connection to another level–and we’re not just referring to looks. Often, passion supersedes love in high-intensity relationships. It’s the desire that keeps a relationship romantic, caring, and muy caliente! So consider keeping passion on your list. 

Settling Shows Your Pessimism Regarding the Future

You can’t find any better, so why bother? Does this sound like you? That’s because you’ve given up all hope of finding your perfect match. It’s saying you believe you’ll never meet someone who wants to give you everything you desire, so never mind, I’ll just sit here and eat my chips in peace.

If you want to change it:

  1. Learn to be a dating optimist.
  2. Expect the good in others.
  3. Expect them to show you they love and want to be with you because you deserve it.

When you’re optimistic about who you date, you draw the right person to you. However, you must first believe that the right partner is out there for you. Once you do, you can expect them to come into your life with open arms.

Man sitting next to houseplants and looking out the window optimistically

There’s a Difference between Friendship Marriages and Romantic Marriages

Of course, some people can commit to an arranged marriage agreement and stay together for the long haul. But sadly, it can take years to develop an emotional and physical connection–if ever. It’s always great that your partner can change a tire or put gas in the car every so often, but don’t you still want that za-za zing that makes your heart race whenever you think about them? Of course, you do. This is why it’s essential NOT to settle for a romantic-less union.

After the Honeymoon, You’re Stuck with Each Other

For better or for worse. That’s it. While it’s great in the honeymoon phase, remember; eventually, those heart-fluttering feelings will wear off, and then what are you left with? Bills, kids, jobs, that annoying stain on the carpet you’ve tried a zillion times to get out. That’s all, folks!

Days turn into nights and weekends, and you’re not only watching your favorite shows, but theirs, too. And don’t forget their annoying habits. Would you prefer to spend quality time with someone you wouldn’t give your stamp of approval? Good luck!

You May Miss Out

When you settle, there may come a time when you feel like you’re missing something, and are you prepared to deal with that? It may not hit you right away, but one day, you’ll see couples who seem to truly care deeply about each other in a way you’ve never felt for your partner because you decided to settle. 

You don’t want to have regrets, thinking, “What have I done?” or “I never thought that could be me.” Instead, you’d probably prefer to smile, love, and kiss your sweetie and say, “I am so glad I waited for you!”

You Deserve So Much More!

Don’t you want to feel amazing about yourself? We all want to have a healthy dose of self-esteem, and to get that, you must partner up with a respectable, wonderful person you’re in love with (not like.)

When you settle with someone you don’t love and respect, it’s a way of diminishing your light. You deserve to have someone as awesome are you are.

If You Settle, You Won’t Be Open When Love Finally Arrives

The issue with settling is that once you get comfortable, you no longer search for satisfaction. Do yourself a favor, and don’t lie down to that kind of thinking. Learn to stand up and shine. Ask for what you want and expect it to come. Celebrate who you are and the love you’re meant to have, and be sure not to settle for anything less than that!

Final Thoughts

Long-term commitments aren’t a sprint–they’re marathons. If you go the extra mile, you want someone in your corner that makes the run worth doing. You want someone to help you through all the highs and lows and take you to task when needed. Why not give yourself a wonderful lie for the entire duration?

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