7 Ways a Sex Therapist Can Help Rekindle the Spark in Your Relationship

Couple in bed holding hands

New relationship energy (NRE), commonly known as the honeymoon phase, is one of the very best parts of being in a romantic relationship. As you begin to understand somebody new, the mixture of anxiety, anticipation, passion, intrigue, and discoveries around each corner is exhilarating. We experience these feelings because our brains produce large quantities of neurotransmitters (like dopamine and oxytocin) when we connect sexually and physically with an individual. 

These chemicals elicit a feeling which is so wonderful that we wish to do it again and again, and as a result, we then decide that we genuinely like the individual we’re seeing. After a while, if we’ve met the right person, many of us begin climbing the relationship ladder, which often involves living together, getting married, and having children. However, that’s not to say everyone wants a conventional romance. Some opt for more unconventional paths like polyamorous relationships or long-term friends-with-benefits (FWB) situations, which aren’t any less gratifying. 

No matter which path your love or sexual relationship(s) take, one thing is sure: we all yearn for the new relationship energy (otherwise known as the honeymoon phase) to last.

Unfortunately, for most couples, the honeymoon phase doesn’t last. After a while, if a relationship has been neglected, you can experience lackluster feelings or experience a lack of interest in sexual connection. 

If this happens to you, you don’t need to take drastic steps. Instead, you can start seeing a sex therapist. In our article, we’ll discuss the seven ways a sex therapist can help you rekindle the lost spark in your relationship and get back the feelings you once had. 

7 Ways A Sex Therapist Can Help You Rekindle The Spark In Your Relationship

Although there are countless ways a sex therapist can help you rekindle the spark your relationship once had, we have narrowed down the list to the top seven tips. Have a look below to learn how a sex therapist will change your life for the better. 

1. They Can Help You Rekindle Your Sexual Chemistry

Researchers have found that the bonding molecule oxytocin, generated during the early infatuation phase, makes people feel good and gets them turned on. It functions like a narcotic, providing instant gratification that ties us with our partners.

That’s why it can be exhilarating when you first start seeing someone, especially if you’re engaging in sexual relations. Unfortunately, sometimes the sexual chemistry you have with a partner can fizzle out over the years if you don’t nurture your feelings for the person you’re dating. 

Fortunately, rekindling your sexual chemistry isn’t as difficult as you might believe. A sex therapist will work with you and your partner to uncover what forms of affection you both need to work on. According to Dr. Micheal Stysma, an educator and sex therapist, those who would like to strengthen their relationship should aim to double the amount of time they spend kissing, hugging, and engaging in sensual touch.

This means that depending on the outcome of your sessions, you should expect more hugs, delicate touches, hand-holding, kisses, and other displays of affection that work up to sex in the future. After all, it’s been proven that the foundation for sexual contact that is pleasure-focused is laid through physical affection.

Tips to Rekindle Your Sexual Chemistry

Since we know that it can be difficult to rekindle your sexual chemistry if you don’t know where to start, we have discussed some tips you can follow. 

  • Change the way you start sexual encounters: If you want to have a fulfilling sexual life with your partner and rekindle the passion you once felt, you need to change how you start sexual encounters. What worked at the beginning of your relationship might not be working now, so try to change things up to avoid monotonous actions and routines. You would be surprised how much spontaneity and changing how you initiate sex can help a floundering relationship. 
  • Engage in hand-holding more frequently: Linking hands, embracing, and other physical contacts can produce oxytocin, which has a calming effect, says Dr. Kory Floyd. This same doctor believes that expressing love through touch can improve your health because it’s believed that physical intimacy also lowers stress hormones, including cortisol levels, throughout the day. If you both feel less stressed, you’ll be more likely to be interested in each other, so don’t be afraid to touch one another throughout the day. 
  • Separate routine from intimate relationships: Plan intimate conversations and avoid discussing domestic tasks and marital issues in bed. While stressed out and preoccupied, our level of sexual desire drops, so it’s best to avoid these topics when you want to connect romantically with your partner. Setting a time and place for serious discussions will help you rekindle your sexual chemistry. 
  • Concentrate on tender caresses: Offer to massage your partner’s shoulders or back. People often equate foreplay to sexual activity, but this touch doesn’t always equate to foreplay. Friendly contact and acts of service involving massages or simply brushing your partner’s hair may be a powerful method to express and rekindle emotion.
  • Let the tension grow: When we wait a while before receiving a reward, our brains feel more pleasure from the suspense. Listen to your and their body during foreplay, express your fantasies, switch roles, and add more romance to your sexual encounters to help build the angst and tension in your relationship.
  • Put intimacy first: Before TV or work makes your enthusiasm wane, create a romantic atmosphere. A light dinner, your preferred music, and a glass of wine can facilitate great intercourse. Whether you are the touchy-feely kind, developing physical intimacy and emotional sensitivity can support maintaining a strong, meaningful relationship. So put intimacy first over anything else on the weekends if you haven’t managed to spend quality time with each other during the week. 
  • Continue to be curious about intimate relationships: Try out several approaches in the bedroom to make each other happy. Additionally, consider having sex as a way to gradually get to understand your partner more intimately. Not only will you connect with your partner better and rebuild your sexual chemistry, but you will also begin rekindling the spark in your relationship.
  • Become more emotionally expressive when having sex: Depending on who you ask, there is nothing hotter than a vocal partner in the bedroom who isn’t afraid to express their feelings. It might take some time but try to be more vocal in the bedroom, as it can help you both enjoy your sexual encounters more. 
  • Change the type of sex you engage in: Have sex that is compassionate, loving, emotional, and highly erotic instead of mundane and boring. As your sexual needs vary, switch things up and attempt something new.

2. They Can Help Encourage Emotional Closeness

The foundation of a healthy sexual relationship is emotional connection and intimacy, and a sex therapist can help encourage emotional closeness to strengthen your relationship. 

Ultimately, to put it in another perspective, you must first concentrate on your emotional bond to strengthen your physical connection. A sex therapist will help you concentrate on attending to your partner’s wants while showing you how to respectfully articulate your own demands.

Dr. Gottman says in “The Science of Trust”

that partners who wish to reignite their love and affection must turn towards one another. Even though there might be times of disagreement, cultivating emotional understanding can keep you connected and strengthen your bond.

When you work with a sex therapist to rekindle the spark in your relationship, they will teach you how to avoid becoming defensive by leaning toward one another and demonstrating empathy. Essentially, instead of focusing on what your partner doesn’t need, both partners should discuss their concerns regarding their needs. It might seem simple, but it’s one of the easiest ways to start rekindling the spark. 

3. They Can Push You to Try New Things

Trying new things can be both exhilarating and nerve-wracking, but it’s worth it if you want to rekindle the spark in your relationship. When you work with a sex therapist, they can help you identify what new things you and your partner should try together in and out of the bedroom. Shortly after taking their advice, you’ll likely learn that you tend to become more attached to one another when you try new things. You will likely also notice that you both will find more shared interests to further strengthen the “bond” of your relationship.

Additionally, you should try exhilarating activities when trying to rekindle the spark. This is because your body generates chemicals that strengthen your relationship if the adventure is frighteningly exciting. 

For example, riding an exhilarating ride, paragliding, or even trying new foods will activate these chemicals like the “love hormone,” oxytocin, and the “feel-good neurotransmitter,” dopamine. As you already know, these chemicals are crucial to a healthy relationship. 

4. They Can Give Advice on How to Commit

Determine everything your partner needs and commit to providing it to them (provided you feel comfortable doing so, of course). One of the best advantages of hiring a sex therapist when you want to rekindle your relationship is that they can teach you how to commit to your partner. These commitments won’t always revolve around the bedroom but also everyday tasks to help your partner have an easier, happier, and more fulfilling life. 

Additionally, a sex therapist can help teach you how to commit to fun activities. This can ensure that you consistently engage in activities you mutually enjoy rather than having a one-sided relationship that revolves around one partner’s chosen activities. 

These commitments should be more than merely verbal. Luckily a sex therapist will show you how to create vows about feelings and emotions. For example, they might tell you to vow to one another that you will both share feelings of gratitude for the partnership at least once every week. These vows will go a long way toward rekindling the spark you used to have. 

5. They Can Teach You How To Try “Sensate Focus” Drills

Have you ever heard of Sensate Focus drills? A sex therapist might discuss these drills with you if you and your partner need to work on foreplay. This type of foreplay can keep you ‘in the moment’ and increase your likelihood of having an orgasm. The idea is to have one of you act as the “provider” and the other as the “recipient.” 

The provider’s sole responsibility is to devise unconventional ways to make their lover feel wonderful without using the tried-and-true methods you often employ during sex. Begin at the crown of their hair and use your fingers to move gently and gradually around their body. 

Afterward, do whatever you want while moving your fingers, mouth, or both around. The provider and recipient should strive to use all five senses to appreciate the event entirely. According to sex therapists, this degree of foreplay is ideal for rekindling lost chemistry because it concentrates primarily on the small details of sensuality and genuine pleasure.

Woman getting head massage by partner

6. They Can Offer Advice for New Sex Toy Purchases

It might be awkward at first, but you can speak with your sex therapist about what kinds of couples’ sex toys you can use to liven things up. Visiting a sex toy store together (or looking online) and choosing a new toy to experiment with can be a fun, flirtatious, and exciting activity.

According to sex educator Lisa Finn, “sex toys can assist partners in blasting out of old habits.” To reduce the number of options and determine the kind of sex toy that would be enjoyable for you both, you must discuss with your partner what feels daunting, thrilling, and dull when shopping. Once you’ve bought the toy, don’t let it sit and gather dust. Find time to use it, as it can really help your relationship.

7. They Can Share Insight into Sensual Massages

Because they satisfy two essential aspects of love—physical contact and acts of service—massages are a must-try for those who want to rekindle the spark in their relationship. Many individuals enjoy getting massages because it is a pleasant activity that also improves our ability to communicate. Unfortunately, not many couples know how to do it effectively. 

A sex therapist can give you the resources you need to learn how to give each other sensual massages that help rebuild a romantic foundation. As a bonus, when learning how to massage one another effectively, you’ll embrace each other completely naked, inspiring feelings of love and happiness. What more could you want?

Final Thoughts

We frequently experience tremendous enthusiasm and passion during the start of a relationship, but if consistent love and care aren’t put in, these feelings can quickly fizzle out. Luckily, if you feel your spark has gone out and want to rekindle it, you can seek a qualified sex therapist. With the help of a sex therapist, you and your partner will get your spark back while learning how to build a lasting relationship filled with love, understanding, and peace. 

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