The Success of Long-Term Relationships | A Comparative Analysis of eharmony’s Love Stories

long term relationships and eharmony success

Sometimes we take advantage of the fact that right there on our computer, we have access to hundreds of thousands of websites that could give us everything from groceries, to trivia answers, to our future love. At any point in time, there are about 8,000 dating sites out there, and each one could hold the profile of the person you might someday marry.

I mean, what a time to be alive, and yet in this vast landscape of online dating, there’s one website that has not only stood the test of time but proves again and again that if real love is the thing you’re looking for, you’re not that far away from it.

eHarmony has emerged as not only a prominent and trusted dating site but also a platform designed for anyone seeking long-term relationships. With its unique approach to matchmaking and a focus on compatibility, eHarmony has garnered a reputation for facilitating meaningful connections.

Since its launch in 2000, eHarmony has successfully brought together countless couples and has become synonymous with lasting love. Recognized for its unique approach to matchmaking, eHarmony focuses on using compatibility factors and psychological dynamics to bring people together.

But how exactly do they do it? There are a couple of tricks that make eHarmony stand out above the rest.  

Understanding the eharmony Success Rate

eHarmony’s matching algorithm is designed to connect people beyond surface-level preferences by focusing on deeper psychological dimensions to facilitate meaningful connections. By considering a range of compatibility factors, the algorithm aims to identify potential matches with a higher likelihood of long-term relationship success. 

Upon signing up for eHarmony, you’re required to complete a comprehensive, detailed questionnaire that collects data on what makes you YOU by delving into various aspects of your personality, values, beliefs, and relationship preferences. 

By providing a rich source of information about who you are, this questionnaire provides valuable information to the matching algorithm, which then helps identify compatible matches that might be precisely what you’re looking for.

The algorithm uses the data you submit from your questionnaire to assess compatibility with other members by analyzing your responses to identify patterns and similarities between users who are likely to get along. As users provide feedback on matches and their experiences, the algorithm adapts to refine future matches and improve the overall matching process.

Once you’re matched with another person, eHarmony encourages both of you to engage in meaningful communication to further explore your compatibility. In other words, the algorithm’s role extends beyond matching and will actually guide you toward building connections through conversation and getting to know each other.

eHarmony showcases a bunch of success stories of couples who found long-term love through their platform. In a peer-reviewed study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, couples who met through eHarmony not only reported higher levels of marital satisfaction compared to those who met through other means but the site was also ranked the number one site for online marriages. And eHarmony itself has reported that, on average, 542 people get married each day as a result of meeting on their website.

So how exactly do they do it?

Psychological Principles Underpinning eHarmony

eHarmony distinguishes itself by emphasizing long-term relationships rather than casual dating or short-term encounters. The algorithm is designed to identify individuals who are seeking committed, enduring partnerships.

They do this by putting a strong emphasis on compatibility and shared long-term goals that could contribute to relationship success. Essentially, the effectiveness of eHarmony’s matching algorithm is all about relationship compatibility and attraction.  

The algorithm analyzes responses and patterns to identify compatibility factors. This data-driven approach draws upon statistical techniques and machine learning to refine and improve the matching process over time.

By incorporating psychological principles and research, eHarmony’s matching algorithm aims to facilitate meaningful connections based on compatibility factors that contribute to successful long-term relationships. The algorithm’s design reflects an understanding of the importance of personality traits, values, beliefs, and other psychological dimensions in fostering compatible and fulfilling partnerships.

eHarmony compatibility score

Compatibility is key here. Research highlights the importance of shared interests to build a foundation of common ground to cultivate a healthy dynamic between couples.

Key Factors in Long-Term Relationship Success

The divorce rate from couples who meet on eHarmony is only 3% compared to the national average of 50%. And when you consider how many people get married a year due to meeting on the site, it’s pretty good odds if you ask me. A study conducted by a national Harris poll found that eHarmony was responsible for 44,000 weddings in the United States per year. Successful long-term relationships are built on a foundation of various factors that contribute to their strength and resilience. eHarmony gets that. And by understanding these key factors, you can learn how to take advantage of everything eHarmony has to offer and weave more positivity into your relationship.


Effective Communication

Communication is a fundamental pillar of any successful relationship. Open and honest communication allows partners to express their needs, concerns, and emotions while actively listening and understanding each other. It involves effective verbal and non-verbal communication, empathy, and the ability to resolve conflicts constructively.

Couples who prioritize communication and actively work on improving their communication skills tend to experience greater relationship satisfaction and understanding. Just remember to never put the blame on the other person. Use ‘I feel’ statements.

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Pro-tip: When you apologize after a disagreement, don’t say you’re if the other person feels a certain way. Apologize for your direct action that caused them to feel that way. That’s the difference between clear communication and taking accountability if you do something wrong.

Trust and Mutual Respect

Trust is the cement that forms and seals the foundation of a healthy and enduring relationship and makes it last. Trust is built through consistency, reliability, and honesty. It involves having confidence in your partner’s actions, words, and intentions.

Keep in mind: Mutual respect is also vital, as it fosters an appreciation for each other’s individuality, boundaries, and autonomy. A relationship based on trust and mutual respect provides a safe and secure environment for both partners to grow and thrive.
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Emotional Intimacy

Emotional intimacy refers to the deep connection and emotional bond between partners. It involves sharing vulnerabilities, thoughts, and feelings in a safe and supportive manner. This kind of emotional intimacy allows couples to understand and empathize with each other on a deeper level, and when you feel heard and understood, it will create a sense of closeness and connection to the other person.

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Nurturing emotional intimacy does require quality time, open communication, and emotional support, but when you establish it with your partner, it will strengthen your overall emotional connection and foster a deeper relationship satisfaction.

Shared Values and Goals

Having shared values and goals provides a sense of alignment and purpose in a long-term relationship, and it’s one of those main compatibility factors that eHarmony considers when matching people together. Shared values create a common ground, guiding decision-making and shaping the direction of the relationship and your joint lives.

Couples who share similar values, like honesty, integrity, and kindness–or even more specific values like religion and politics–are more likely to navigate challenges and make important life decisions together. Having shared goals, whether they are related to career, family, or personal aspirations, helps couples support and motivate each other, fostering a sense of partnership and unity.
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Conflict Resolution Skills

Conflict is a natural part of any relationship. You’re going to disagree; there’s no way around it. But that doesn’t mean you have to fight. How couples handle conflicts can determine the success of their long-term partnership. Effective conflict resolution involves active listening, understanding different perspectives, and finding mutually satisfactory solutions.

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It’s okay to agree to disagree, but you really need to work on not holding resentment and letting things go. Couples who develop healthy conflict resolution skills, like compromising, finding win-win solutions, and practicing empathy, are better equipped to navigate disagreements and maintain relationship harmony.

Commitment and Shared Effort

Commitment is an essential ingredient in long-term relationship success and is pretty much the bedrock of eHarmony’s foundation as a dating website. When you make this kind of commitment to another person, you’re agreeing to a deep dedication to the relationship, even during challenging times. Both partners need to prioritize the relationship, invest time and effort, and work together to overcome obstacles.

An easy trick to remember: it’s you two against the problem, not you two against each other. Relationships thrive when both partners are committed and willing to put in the necessary effort to get past the problem in order to nurture and sustain their connection.
Commitment and Shared Effort Graphic

The Power of Compatibility

eHarmony understands the importance of high chemistry and high compatibility to create a solid match. Compatibility in relationships goes beyond surface-level similarities. It involves a deep alignment of psychological factors that contribute to a harmonious and fulfilling connection. 

Some key psychological factors that contribute to compatibility include:

  • Personality traits: Shared personality traits or complementary traits can enhance compatibility and reduce conflicts. For example, couples who share traits like openness, agreeableness, and emotional stability tend to have more satisfying relationships. Likewise, couples who have a healthy balance of opposites, like one being a little more introverted and the other being a little more extroverted, can also lead toward a healthy connection.
  • Communication styles: Compatibility in communication styles allows for effective and understanding interactions. Couples who have compatible communication styles are more likely to resolve conflicts constructively and maintain emotional intimacy.
  • Values and beliefs: Shared values, beliefs, and attitudes create a sense of shared purpose and understanding. When partners have aligned values, they can navigate life choices and decisions with greater harmony rather than being at odds with each other.
  • Research conducted by eHarmony revealed that couples who had higher compatibility scores on their platform reported higher levels of relationship happiness and were more likely to stay together long-term.
Man and Woman Having a Chat - Compatibility Graphic

Nurturing Emotional Connection

eHarmony’s success stories are all about how couples have nurtured emotional connections. Emotional intimacy forms the foundation of deep and meaningful connections in long-term relationships. It involves the ability to share vulnerabilities, express and understand emotions, and create a safe space for emotional support and empathy. 

There’s a variety of psychological insights on how emotional connection is created in long-term relationships, and they encompass various theories, including one of my personal favorites: attachment theory. 

Attachment theory, proposed by John Bowlby and further developed by researchers like Mary Ainsworth, emphasizes the importance of emotional bonds and attachment styles in shaping relationships. According to this theory, individuals develop attachment patterns based on their early experiences with caregivers, which influence their future relationships. Everyone has a different attachment style based on their experiences.

  • Secure attachment: Individuals with a secure attachment style likely have positive beliefs about themselves and others. They feel comfortable with emotional closeness, have trust in their partners, and can seek support when needed. Securely attached individuals are more likely to form and maintain healthy, satisfying relationships.
  • Anxious attachment: People with an anxious attachment style often crave closeness and worry about their partner’s availability and commitment. They may exhibit more insecurities and need reassurance and validation from their partners. These individuals may experience heightened emotional intensity in relationships.
Couple Hugging - Couple Attachment Style Graphic
  • Avoidant attachment: Individuals with an avoidant attachment style tend to value independence and may feel discomfort with emotional intimacy. They may have difficulty trusting others or expressing their own emotions. They might be more likely to create emotional distance or avoid commitment in relationships.

In long-term relationships, attachment styles can influence how partners interact, seek support, and navigate challenges. Developing a secure attachment and fostering emotional connection can contribute to your overall relationship satisfaction and resilience.

By working on this, you can cultivate your emotional connection with your partner. The emotional connection enables partners to trust each other, feel safe in sharing vulnerabilities, and create a space for open and honest communication. Studies have consistently shown a positive correlation between emotional intimacy and relationship satisfaction. Couples who develop and nurture emotional intimacy and connection tend to experience higher levels of relationship quality and overall well-being.

Strategies for Cultivating Emotional Connection

Cultivating emotional connection is essential for maintaining a strong and fulfilling relationship and will be more likely to lead you from a compatible match to a healthy relationship. Sites like eHarmony bring you together and offer dating advice, but to make it last, you’ll want to focus on a couple of factors to reach a place of having solid success in a long-term relationship. 


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Quality Time

Dedicate regular quality time to connect with your partner. This can involve activities that allow you to focus on each other, like date nights, shared hobbies, or getting deep with your conversations. Try to keep your phone turned off. Creating intentional space for each other in your heart and your physical spaces reinforces the importance of the relationship and provides opportunities for emotional connection to flourish.


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Active Listening

Practicing active listening allows you to show genuine interest and empathy towards your partner. Give them your full attention, maintain eye contact, and provide verbal and non-verbal cues that demonstrate understanding and support. Ask questions! By actively listening, you create an environment where your partner feels heard and valued, which can foster emotional intimacy between the two of you.


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Express Vulnerability

Don’t be afraid to get into the thick of things. Share your thoughts, feelings, and vulnerabilities with your partner. Expressing vulnerability beneath the surface layer allows for deeper emotional connection and creates an environment of trust and understanding. Be open about your fears, hopes, and dreams, and encourage your partner to do the same. This sharing of emotions fosters a sense of closeness and reinforces the bond between you.


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Practice Empathy and Understanding

Seek to understand your partner’s perspective and experiences, and don’t write off their feelings even if you don’t understand them. Empathy involves putting yourself in their shoes and imagining how they might be feeling. Show compassion and validate their emotions, even if you may not fully agree with them. This empathetic approach nurtures emotional connection and builds a supportive and caring relationship.


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Emotional Support

Be available to provide emotional support to your partner during challenging times. Show empathy, offer comfort, and reassure them that you are there for them. Validate their emotions and offer a listening ear or a shoulder to lean on. Providing emotional support creates a safe space that not only strengthens the emotional bond between the two of you but will also create an environment where your partner will trust you as the person they can rely on when things get rough.


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Shared Rituals of Connection

Just like you and your partner probably have inside jokes, you can create shared rituals or traditions, touching opportunities to foster emotional connection. It can be something you do on special days like anniversaries or birthdays, or even something that can just elaborate on the inside joke you’ve created. These can be daily or weekly routines, like cooking together, going for walks, or sharing a bedtime routine. These rituals provide opportunities where it’s just the two of you enjoying each other’s company, essentially moments of emotional intimacy that will build your bond even stronger.


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Express Appreciation and Gratitude

It may seem trivial, but it’s usually the first thing to go when you get comfortable. Say please, thank you, and love you every chance you get. Regularly express your appreciation and gratitude for your partner by acknowledging their efforts, qualities, and the ways in which they contribute to the relationship. Showing gratitude fosters a positive and nurturing environment, reinforcing emotional connection and mutual appreciation.


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Keep Learning and Growing Together

Engage in activities that promote personal growth and shared interests. Take up new hobbies, explore new experiences, or pursue learning opportunities together. This shared growth allows you to continually discover and connect with each other on a deeper level.


Conclusion

By implementing these strategies, you’ll be well on the way to creating a long-term successful relationship, cultivating emotional connection, and strengthening your bond. And what better way to get there than the dating site that carries an eighty percent success rate? eHarmony is your path to partnership. So what are you waiting for?

Interested in eharmony? Read our Complete Review!

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