Recovering from heartbreak is tough and can take time, especially if you are ready to move on and find someone new.
While you may feel ready to get back in the saddle, you must consider some things before venturing into the dating world.
- First, be sure that you’re entirely over your last relationship. What’s the point in starting something new if you are consciously (or subconsciously) hoping to rekindle the flame with your ex?
- Second, be sure that a new relationship isn’t a means to get revenge on your ex. We are often so hurt that we want to make our ex feel pain, especially if infidelity is involved. Unfortunately, enough people have been hurt by a breakup, so there is no need to affect anyone else.
- And third, you should consider whether a relationship is what you want. Is this a rebound thing, or are you genuinely looking for love again? Spending time alone can help you reconnect with yourself, so you’re ready when a new relationship arises.
If you’re unsure if you’re all in when it comes to finding love again, these 10 signs will let you know you’re 100% ready for a relationship.
1). You Consider Falling in Love Again
Remember those stomach butterflies at the beginning of your relationship with your ex? What about the good times you had before things took a turn and your romance went sour?
Unfortunately, when you’re amidst a breakup, it is challenging to remember the small pockets of happiness you once shared.
Luckily, the future can be an exhilarating prospect because you can imagine all the good things that may come with a new relationship. You understand that not all relationships are bad, so you’re excited about falling in love again. You wonder what it’s like to be the center of someone’s world again.
These feelings are a good thing. It doesn’t matter if it’s been only a few weeks or a year. Being optimistic about falling in love again is a definite sign that you’re ready to move on.
2). You’re Interested in Knowing More about Your Situation
It can never hurt to get another perspective on your situation. Consider speaking to a counselor or a relationship coach for some professional insight. You’ll get advice that’s specific to your experiences.
Sites like Relationship Hero contain highly trained relationship experts who aid people through challenging situations.
Once you discover how and why your relationship ended, you may be ready to close that chapter and move on to the next one.
3). You Understand Your Worth
Unfortunately, breakups can tear us down and blow our self-worth and self-esteem. Splits cause us to question our judgment and can make us feel worthless.
When this happens, know that it’s OK and that you’re going through a phase. The feelings may last a while, and that’s completely normal. But, each day, you’ll get a little more of your self-esteem back, and one day you’ll wake up feeling like your old confident self again.
5 Ways to Gain Self-Esteem after a Breakup
Maintaining self-esteem after breaking up isn’t always a walk in the park. Regardless of why the breakup occurred, it can blow your self-esteem.
Remember, there are always two sides to the story during a split. No one is perfect, so you can’t take all the blame.
Instead, after the split, focus on raising your self-esteem. Doing so will help you regain your self-worth and help you move on. If you’re unsure how to do that, check out these mood boosters to help you focus on yourself.
Write in a journal
Even with all your heated discussion about your thoughts and feelings, you probably needed to get out more than you did.
But, unfortunately, emotions can mask our true feelings. For example, we can say we’re fine, but our depressed emotions tell a different story.
Journaling how you feel helps release those repressed feelings. You can even write a letter to your ex-partner without sending it. However, putting all your emotions on paper can lift the heavy weight on your shoulders.
In the letter, detail all your feelings. Let everything out, and don’t hold back. This helps you release any resentment and move on.
After a breakup, focusing on yourself boosts your self-esteem and can place you in a positive headspace. So do something to pamper your mind, body, and soul.
- day trip with friends
- take a walk
- chill with a good book
- take yourself to a movie
Taking care of yourself helps you get back on track. As a result, you’ll feel more relaxed and confident with who you are now than that broken person in a bad relationship.
Don’t check social media
Unfortunately, social media makes it too easy to check up on your ex to find out what they’re doing. However, doing this will only make you feel worse about the situation and yourself. For example, you may feel low all over again when you see your ex moving on with someone else or having a good time without you.
If you broke up on friendly terms, it’s OK to maintain a friendship, but it’s not good to stalk them on social media. It may even be worth blocking their account so you can’t see what they’re doing.
Take a dating break
Sometimes we feel like we need to find someone right away to get over our ex. This is often referred to as a “rebound.” However, these types of relationships only last for a short time because their only purpose is to fill a temporary need.
Give yourself some time to process the breakup. It won’t happen in a few days, and most times, not even a few weeks. But, likely, it will take much longer.
Instead of looking for a new partner, hang out with friends and family more. Nourish and build up your other relationship. Jumping into a new romantic relationship too quickly sets you up for failure, and that’s not fair to you or the “rebound.”
Some relationships are so traumatizing that you may need to seek outside help to get over them. Therapy or counseling is one helpful method for those having difficulty moving on. Therapy is also an excellent way to help boost self-esteem.
Some people find talking to a licensed professional easier to express their feelings instead of confiding in family and friends. You’ll also learn productive and healthy methods to control emotions and rebuild your self-worth.
4). You’re Not Mourning Your Last Relationship
Whether your relationship lasted for a week, month, or a couple of years, it still hurts when it ends. When you’re still feeling the loss, it’s not the time to attempt to find someone new.
Breakups come with life changes, and a person can’t necessarily move on from that immediately. However, if you can look back at the relationship as a life lesson with bittersweet memories, you’re in a good place. After that, you may be ready to leap into another romantic connection.
5). You’re Excited to Date Again
If the relationship’s demise is fresh, dating typically sends shivers up and down your spine (and not in a good, exhilarating way.)
You don’t want to think about dating, much less go out on a date with someone, because it may be scary and something you’re not interested in doing yet.
When you get excited thinking about the prospects to date, you may be ready for a relationship. In addition, going on dating sites sounds exciting, and you’re willing to try it out. Of course, you may not find your perfect partner immediately, but you will have fun trying.
6). You Believe People Are Ultimately Good
What’s the first emotion that comes to mind when you are fresh off the breakup train? If the sentiment is cynical, you may be right.
However, sometimes we can remain in the phase for a long time. It’s the law of attraction; the more we see and receive it, the more it will come. Instead of noticing the good, we tend to notice how rude and nasty people are.
Unfortunately, we can’t force ourselves to let it go. It’s an emotion we must work through, but it will happen.
Eventually, your perspective changes. You begin believing that not all people are out to hurt you. After all, most of the population wants to be good, right? Good question.
If you believe that people are good deep down, you may be ready to attempt dating again.
7). You’ve Learned from past Mistakes
Have you ever dated someone toxic, or were you in a draining marriage? Whatever the situation is, you should take it as a learning experience.
Unfortunately, sometimes we have a habit of falling back into the same patterns. Decide you don’t want to do that again. If not, you may fall back into it.
Check out 7 early warning signs that indicate you may be in a toxic relationship.
Not all relationships make our lives better and more complete. Some sabotage our well-being and can be toxic. Red flags are warning signs that indicate manipulative or unhealthy behavior in a relationship.
It’s important to recognize red flags early to avoid becoming controlled and possibly abused by our partner. A few signs to watch out for include the following:
1. Feelings of Low Self-Worth
Trusted family and friends are here to build you up, not tear you down. When you are committed to someone, you support and uplift them. However, you may be in a toxic relationship if you don’t feel support from someone in your circle (partner, family, or friends).
2. Lack of Trust
Trust is just one of many essential foundations of a healthy relationship. One major sign of an unhealthy relationship is when partners, family members, and friends distrust you.
We all have doubts sometimes, but those suspicions shouldn’t stop people from trusting loved ones to do the right thing. A healthy relationship must have confidence and trust on both sides.
3. Controlling Behavior
Overly controlling behavior is a familiar flag. Unfortunately, people that try to control every aspect of your life, including beliefs and decisions, are more concerned with how to restrain you than what’s best for you.
Healthy relationships include understanding and compromise. No individual controls what another says or does.
4. Substance Abuse
In a recent study, substance abuse is cited as one reason for a third of all divorces. If you or your partner (or both) are struggling with addiction, it can become a major stressor in your relationship.
If your partner is dealing with substance abuse, they may have personal issues. If this is the case, reach out for help.
5. Emotional, Physical, and Mental Abuse
These are common red flags in unhealthy relationships. While physical abuse is easier to spot, mental and emotional abuse may be more challenging to detect but are just as damaging. All three types of abuse may cause PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.)
In any relationship, no one owns you or should use you as an excuse for their issues. Regardless of the type of abuse, you should never tolerate it in your relationship.
6. Anger Issues
You are in an unhealthy relationship if you feel threatened and insecure due to your partner’s anger management issues. This is a definite red flag, and you should consider removing yourself from the relationship.
In a healthy situation, each partner should feel comfortable discussing complex topics without fearing for your safety. People who use anger to intimidate another person exhibit toxic behavior.
Narcissists are obsessed with themselves and have a displaced sense of importance. They also believe the world revolves around them. If anyone, including you, threatens this belief, they tend to cause chaos within the relationship.
8). You Know What You Want
When you are ready to move on and find a new love, you must know what it is you’re searching for. You should be fulfilled. Your new prospect will only add to that rather than be the focal point of your life.
For example, what are your goals and aspirations? Are your finances in order? Are you paying your bills on your own? Once you have all that figured out, you are ready to add someone new with the same core values and views.
9). You’re Non-judgmental
With your past relationship, you’ve been put through the wringer, so you look at every potential partner with a side-eye, wondering what baggage they will drop on your front door.
Unfortunately, feeling this way is a significant indicator that you’re not close to being ready for a relationship and that you need more time to heal.
By the same token, you should also have dropped your emotional baggage and be free from past issues. Instead, you are both beginning from scratch and are excited to find out where the relationship is headed.
Before you commit to another relationship, be sure you’re not going to make this person the scapegoat for all your previous problems.
10). You’re Not Afraid to be Open and Honest
Sometimes, when a relationship ends badly, we tend to close ourselves off from future partners. Of course, every relationship has issues, but it’s vital to work on yourself following the relationship’s demise so you won’t repeatedly deal with the same problems.
Be honest with yourself and your new significant other about what you want from them. For example, if your last relationship was with someone who constantly lied to you, let your current partner know that you expect honesty from them. It’s a dealbreaker if they can’t give it to you.
You probably aren’t ready for a new relationship if you’re questioning whether or not to take the plunge. You may need more time to heal from your past relationship before moving on, and that’s OK. Take your time and proceed when you feel comfortable. “Fixing” yourself before stepping into a brand-new relationship increases its chance for success. Good luck!