When you choose to enter into a serious relationship, it can feel like checking off an essential item on your ‘life to-do list.’ However, simply becoming involved in a relationship doesn’t automatically eliminate questions like: Are they really into me? Are they emotionally available? And the biggest one of all; are they truly ready to commit to me and this relationship?
Unfortunately, thousands of couples break up every year because a man isn’t ready to commit. This can feel like you have wasted months or, worst yet, years of your life with the wrong person. Since most of us would do anything we could to prevent this from happening, we want to share some advice.
Our article will discuss the eight telltale signs that a man isn’t ready to commit to a relationship. Keeping these signs in mind will help you cut ties with the man you’re seeing sooner rather than later. Saving you future heartbreak and ensuring you are on the right romantic path to finding your life partner.
What Are the 8 Telltale Signs That a Man Is Just Not Ready to Commit in a Relationship?
Regardless of how hard you try, you won’t be able to convince a man who isn’t ready to commit to you. They can lie and say they are prepared to settle down with you, but words are empty if he doesn’t back them up with actions.
So to save yourself some time and to ensure you don’t experience unnecessary trauma, we have listed the eight telltale signs the man you’re in a relationship with isn’t ready to commit.
1. He Still Hasn’t Gotten over His Ex
Unfortunately, many men have a terrible habit of talking about their exes a lot – especially if their exes leave them emotionally damaged.
Often men will tell you about their exes because they want you to know why their previous relationships went wrong and ended. Yet, there is a reasonable limit regarding a man speaking about past exes.
If the man you’re seeing keeps talking about one particular ex all the time in a nostalgic or wistful tone, it’s highly likely that he still hasn’t gotten over them.
The last thing you likely want (or need) to do is tie yourself down to someone putting their ex ahead of you or comparing their ex to you the entire relationship.
Not only is this unhealthy, but it’s terrible for your self-esteem and confidence. Not to mention you deserve to be with a man who will put you first and respect you enough to know when not to speak about their exes. Ultimately, a man who still has feelings for their ex is not ready to commit to you or anyone else. So cut your losses, as it isn’t fair to you to be treated as second best.
2. He’s Unclear about Future Plans
There’s nothing wrong with not knowing much about the future or having everything planned out. However, if the man you’re in a relationship with is unclear about plans concerning you and your future together, likely, he isn’t ready to commit.
For example, suppose the man you’re seeing doesn’t want to book a future holiday, shies away from conversations surrounding starting a family and getting married, or moving in together. In that case, he doesn’t see you as part of his life for the long term. Sometimes he might even go so far as to say, ‘Yes, let’s do it, but he never gets around to fully committing to these future goals because he only sees you as a short-term solution.
So if your man isn’t being specific and planning a future with you by showing interest and making future goals a priority, he will never make space in his life for you. It’s sad but true.
3. He Doesn’t Say, “I Love You”
Of course, it’s okay for the man you’re seeing not to say I love you until he is ready, and no one expects to be told ‘I love you’ within the first month of dating. Yet, if the man you’re seeing still hasn’t said he loves you, and you have been in a relationship for months (or years), and he hasn’t uttered those three little words, it’s cause for concern.
Many relationship experts agree that if a man hasn’t said he loves you after you have been seeing one another for a while, it’s unlikely that he will ever tell you he loves you. Since a relationship should be based on love and not solely passion or lust, you should consider leaving him and finding an individual who will love you for you.
So don’t be stubborn for the sake of it; instead, accept the reality that he likely doesn’t have strong enough feelings to commit to the long haul.
4. He’s Incredibly Inconsistent
Some men that are not ready to commit fully to another person are incredibly inconsistent. If the man you’re seeing keeps you on your toes a little too much, likely, he doesn’t see you as a long-term life partner.
However, we know that it can be a little challenging to determine if he is really being inconsistent or if you’re perhaps a tad sensitive, so we’ve listed two brief examples of inconsistency:
- One day he will spend two hours on the phone with you, opening up and sharing his vulnerabilities, and the next time he speaks with you, he’s closed up and unwilling to talk about himself.
- One week he will make plans with you to do different activities, and the next week, he plans nothing with you and doesn’t let you know why.
Unfortunately, no matter the reason for these inconsistencies, it shows that they can’t fully commit to you because they can’t communicate and don’t care enough about your feelings.
5. He Tells You He Feels Pressured by You
No matter the reason, no one should pressure their significant other to do things they don’t need or want to. However, it isn’t unreasonable for you to want to figure out the parameters of your relationship so that you know where things are going.
So if talking to your man about where you stand leads to him telling you that he feels you’re pressuring him, it’s a huge red flag and indicator that he isn’t ready to commit wholly to the relationship. Unfortunately, it’s unlikely that he will ever feel prepared to commit to you if he cannot even acknowledge that you are both ‘supposedly’ in a serious relationship.
6. He Refuses to Meet Your Friends and Family
Have you been trying to get your significant other to meet your sibling, parents, or friends, but he refuses or always makes up excuses about why he cannot meet them? When you’re in a committed relationship, it’s normal to want your man to meet those close to you.
If he cannot make time to meet them, it’s a huge red flag that he isn’t as committed as you might believe. So if your man isn’t okay with integrating into your family and social circle, it might be time to say goodbye.
7. He Tells You He Needs to Find Himself
One of the worst sentences you can hear from a significant other is the: ‘I need to find myself’ sentence. If your man has said they are not sure who they are and need to identify who they want to become, likely, they aren’t ready to settle down just yet.
Although it might be tempting to stay with him while he does some soul-searching, it might be best to end things now. This is because we often tend to confuse the idea that our partners want to find themselves with a growth mindset.
Refrain from allowing yourself to think that this is an attractive quality because it isn’t if you’ve been with him for years. After all, he isn’t ready to commit to long-term plans if he’s ‘finding himself.’ Yet, before you throw everything away, it might be a good idea to discuss why they feel this way and if finding themselves will involve you. Their answer will tell you everything you need to know.
8. He Has Not Introduced You to His Family or Friends
A man who sees you as a life partner will usually want to introduce you to family members and friends at some point — usually when things get serious. If he has yet to introduce you to anyone he is close to, this is another sign he isn’t ready to commit to you.
After all, if he genuinely cares for you, he’ll want to show you off to those close to him since he is proud to call you his significant other.
However, be careful not to jump to conclusions, as he could be holding off from introducing you to the family because his family is toxic. Or because there is drama you are unaware of, so be sure to ask him before you ready yourself to leave him.
How to Know if Your Man Is Ready to Commit
Now that you know the signs that tell you a man is not ready to commit to a relationship, we’d like to share a few brief signs that show he is. See below to learn more about the cues that show he’s a keeper.
- He compromises: A man who is willing to compromise and meet you halfway is a man that’s ready to commit to the relationship. Life is difficult enough without having a contentious partner who isn’t willing to give an inch to see you happy. So if your man compromises to ensure you’re both happy, you should hold onto him.
- He makes time for you: When we say he makes time for you, we don’t mean he stays up till the early morning hours messaging you to come over. We’re talking about when he takes time out of his busy schedule to see or speak with you during regular hours. Additionally, if he drives long distances to see you, takes time off work to spend a day with you every now and then, or plans activities for you to do together, he’s likely ready to commit.
- He keeps his word: No one wants to be involved with a man who fails to keep his word. So if your man says he’s going to do something and sticks to it, it’s likely that he cares enough to keep his word. For example, if he promises to fetch you for a date night at seven and shows up at seven, it shows he cares about your feelings and time. Keeping his word also indicates he isn’t a liar, as he’s unlikely to lie about the big stuff if he doesn’t lie about what he says he will do.
- He communicates: Many people are bad communicators, but this is a learnable skill that can be worked on, so it’s no excuse. If your man is willing to communicate with you about your day-to-day activities and resolves conflict by talking, he’s likely in it for the long haul. Additionally, if he listens to your needs and pays attention to the things that are important to you, it’s another green flag that he’s ready to commit.
Wrap Up on the Tell Tale Signs That a Man Isn’t Ready to Commit in a Relationship
Hopefully, you now know the telltale signs that a man just isn’t ready to commit to a relationship. If you keep these signs in mind, you’ll know when to leave your current partner in search of someone prepared to commit to you. In addition, if you keep the signs, he is ready to commit that we shared in mind; you’re likely to find a life partner faster than you would’ve, so don’t be afraid to put yourself first.