If you’ve seen shows like Grey’s Anatomy and Nurse Jackie, you understand that a doctor’s life can get hectic, to say the least. But it’s television, so there’s some embellishment to make for good programming.
However, have you ever dated or even imagined dating a doctor? We can see it now; they show up at your front door in a pair of scrubs with nothing on underneath. You slowly undress them, taking off their mask, then their stethoscope. Finally, they pull out their thermometer to measure how hot it’s about to get…
OK, that was fun, but seriously, there’s something undeniably sexy about seeing your significant other in a white coat and knowing they make a difference in people’s lives.
And don’t discredit the doctor-patient role play in the bedroom. Can you imagine how much sexier that would be if they were an actual doctor?
However, dating a doctor isn’t all about steamy fantasies. Sure, that’s hot, but you should understand the complexities of having a partner who’s a doctor.
In addition, you’ll have to make sacrifices because the relationship is different. In other words, you need lifestyle adjustments if you’re dating a doctor.
There are positives and negatives when it comes to dating a doctor. These aren’t the generic pros and cons that come with all relationships. We’re speaking specifically about people in the medical field.
Pros
1. They Probably Make Good Money
Let’s just get to the topic you’re all probably thinking about first. Yes, typically, doctors make good money, and that’s not to say you’re dating them just because they do.
However, it is a bonus that has its perks. With money comes a certain amount of freedom—your bills are paid, you have money for expensive material things, you can vacation all over, and there’s extra discretionary income. The possibilities are endless. While you can do those same things with less money, having more money sometimes makes them more accessible.
Doctors are among the highest-paid individuals in the U.S. market, with an average annual salary of approximately $225,000.
While money should never be what we look for in relationships, secure finances make it easier to live more comfortably.
2. Less Stress for the Future
When you enter into a relationship with someone financially stable, there’s a greater possibility that you’ll have less stress in the future. Again, this goes back to the first point of your doctor partner’s significantly higher salary.
Money isn’t a deciding factor when you look to the future and plan to start a family or travel. Also, you may want to go back to school or pursue goals in the future, and now you’re in a position where you can do so without it becoming a financial burden later.
3. Time Together Will Be Special
One thing that seems true for television and real-life doctors is that they are busy. Doctors work long hours and don’t have a lot of free time.
So you’re thinking, how is that positive? It’s a good thing because when you get together on those rare occasions, you will appreciate the quality time together, which can make anything you do all the more special.
4 Methods to Spend Quality Time with Your Spouse
With more households being two-income families, spending time with your spouse can be challenging. When you finally find free time after work, family, and other outside obligations, you may be too exhausted to be with your partner.
Instead of waiting for each of you to be available, the best thing to do is to schedule a specific time to get together. Here are a few fun ideas to help enhance your marriage and create a healthier family unit.
- Have some sexy time: Sex is a vital part of every relationship, so keep your sex life active with toys or maybe a weekend trip to a bed and breakfast. Short on time? Consider a little role-play in the bedroom.
- Plan your future together: Thinking about your future with your spouse creates a bond because it shows you’re in the relationship for the long haul. You’re making joint decisions, which is vital to keeping the relationship afloat. You’re showing that you trust your partner enough to create a life together in the future.
- Surprise each other: When looking to add a little spice to the relationship, try surprising each other with small gifts or thoughtful texts when your spouse least expects it. Doing so demonstrates your appreciation for one another. These precious moments spent together are appreciated and can form lasting memories for you and your partner. You may not have much time to spend together, but how you spend those fleeting moments is vital.
- Take up a new activity together: When we spend time with our spouses, we often do the same monotonous activities. So why not pick up a new activity you can do together? Do you have a mutual hobby or particular interest? You may prefer more physical activities like hiking or yoga. Maybe something completely outside the box is your thing. If so, join a cooking or dance class. The possibilities are endless.
4. They’re Great Listeners
When you date a doctor (or resident or med student), you’re involved with someone who’s also compassionate for a living. In addition, doctors are good listeners, a quality essential in every healthy relationship.
9 Qualities that make you a good listener
Did you know there are different types of listeners? Some people only listen until their question is answered. Others listen to only their thoughts and needs.
Then some people genuinely listen to what you have to say. They are attentive and eager to understand what you’re talking about. Here are some characteristics that make someone a good listener. Are you one?
1. Curiosity has your attention
Genuine interest is an essential part of listening. As the person speaks, you may think you understand all you need to know to formulate an opinion or suggestion. However, if you’re curious, you’ll listen to the entire story before making judgments or opinions.
When it comes to conversations, consider yourself a super sleuth. Get curious and gather information. Listen intently and be keen to discover more about what they’re saying or how they feel. No matter how much you think you already know, more information always unfolds.
2. You’re in the now
Often, when we listen, we’re not in the moment. Instead, we’re thinking about what to make for dinner or when to pick up the kids.
Or, when someone’s talking, we jump to conclusions with our own thoughts and remedies to the situation and are way ahead of what the person is saying. This happens because we’ve already formulated a response without getting all the information.
A good listener stops all inner monologues and gives full attention to the speaker. They’re not looking around the room, checking the time, or eating and drinking. Instead, they give their undivided attention by shining an imaginary spotlight on the person speaking.
3. Pay attention to your senses
You can “say” a lot with non-verbal cues like raised eyebrows, shaky hands, or tense shoulders, so pay attention. Non-verbal communication is essential because it’s a vital part of what the person is saying. So watch for these senses to understand the speaker’s message entirely.
Listening is never passive. As an active listener, your body language demonstrates good eye contact, an occasional head nod, and fully facing the speaker.
4. You don’t cut them off
The person you were in your 20s isn’t the same person at 50. Of course, physically speaking, things change with our bodies. However, as we mature, our values and interests, among other things, have changed. If we don’t grow with our partners, the only other option is to grow apart, which is what commonly happens.
5. You keep an open mind and don’t prematurely judge
As humans, we evaluate things and make up our minds fairly quickly. It’s in our nature, and most of the time, it’s a valuable skill.
However, when listening, a quick opinion can kill the conversation before the speaker even finishes the story. You may think things like “I wouldn’t have done it that way” and “Why would you say something like that?”
You’re no longer actively listening at that moment. Instead, you’re jumping to opinionated conclusions, so it doesn’t matter what more they have to say. A good listener can hold back on these reactions until the end of the conversation.
6. You can take constructive criticism and can withhold your own
A heated discussion can turn into an all-out verbal brawl, with each person yelling their stance on a specific topic. When this happens, no one is heard. Even when there is a pause, you’re not listening. Instead, you’re waiting to say what you have to say. Eventually, these disagreements turn into monologues, with one following the other. Interestingly, in the end, no one has changed or even considered changing their opinion.
When you listen, you get a peek into the other person’s world, even if it doesn’t agree with our point of view. We can also learn from someone else and share our opinions with others.
7. Stay true to yourself
We all know people who never seem to shut their mouths. They talk, talk, and talk; sometimes, the conversation is so lop-sided that you’ve stopped listening. In this case, it’s OK to interrupt. You shouldn’t have to endure any conversation to the point of frustration.
So, we’ll repeat it; if you feel the one-sided conversation has gone on for way too long, stop them mid-sentence and state your point. If they still don’t pause, walk away. A calm discussion can turn heated quickly.
8. You ask questions
When you engage with questions, it helps the speaker feel more confident to continue. So instead of sitting there in silence, when they pause, ask a question.
Reiterate what they say with statements like, “So, what you mean is…” This way, the speaker is still front and center, but they continue to have your full attention. Sometimes, what we say and mean are two different things, so confirming that you’re still on the same page is beneficial.
9. Recognize your limits
You want to be empathetic, but you don’t want to have to endure a 3-hour conversation with someone whining. Conversations like this are exhausting and can put you in a negative space. You want to show empathy without overindulging. Many people will talk for hours if you allow them to.
Know your limits. If you’re near the end of your listening rope, offer to help them or refer them to someone who can.
5. They’re Expert Caregivers
Do you know what it costs nowadays to have a doctor visit you at home? Having your own private at-home doctor saves you cash, and you’ll also receive above-par service. Who can beat that? Plus, you’ll get extra care because they want to see their little snuggle bunny all better.
Cons
1. Long Work Hours
We stated that one of the positives of dating a doctor is that they have financial stability. But, unfortunately, they will need to work to get that better financial standing.
So, don’t count on hanging out with your partner three or four days in a row. Doctors have long shifts and will then need time to recuperate. The best thing you can do is allow them to get some rest while you’re working or pursuing a hobby to keep you busy.
They will have time to spend with you, but unfortunately, you’ll need to work around their schedule. They are on call, but if you can, on their next planned day off, schedule a day at the spa together. Spa time is an excellent way to bond while getting a little extra relaxation.
2. Long Night Shifts
Not only do they work long hours, but they also work many evening shifts, so you should get used to sleeping in an empty bed. Doctors must also be on call for medical emergencies, so they must leave whatever they’re doing. This means interrupted dinner plans, vacations, and shows.
3. Work Stress May Affect Home Life
Let’s face it, being a doctor is a stressful line of work, and like any other job (or maybe even more so), your partner may bring home some of that stress.
Doctors deal with distressing life-and-death situations daily. Eventually, that can affect your mind and spirit and cause you to distance yourself from your partner. So when you sense your spouse is stressed after a long work day, ask what you can do to help them. Sometimes a little peace and quiet go a long way.
4. You Will Be Lonely
When you date a doctor, you can be incredibly lonely at times. Because of their hectic schedule, you’ll often find yourself alone without a dinner partner or a party date. They may also be absent from friends’ gatherings and on holidays.
While it can be lonely, what you do about it is up to you. If you usually depend on a partner for social occasions, consider bringing along a best friend or a relative. Or, if you feel comfortable enough, go alone. Loneliness is a feeling that you can get over.
Join a few groups or volunteer. Keep yourself busy by joining the gym or taking a dance class. Activities like these keep you busy and help get you into shape. A bonus is that they’ll exhaust you, which enables you to sleep better at night.
5. A Change in Schedule
A doctor doesn’t have a routine nine-to-five job. Therefore, it may be challenging to create plans since their schedule is constantly changing because of overtime and long hours. This is especially difficult around holiday time or even scheduling something simple like a date night.
The good news is that this isn’t always the case. However, when it does occur, it can cause damage to an otherwise healthy relationship.
6. Boring Sex Life
How can you have sex with your spouse if they’re working? And when they’re not working, they may be exhausted and need rest.
Doctors are often stressed; unfortunately, stress and anxiety are two common reasons for low libido.
If you want to spice up your sex life, take advantage of their available times. Therefore, plan a sexy evening on their night off. An at-home massage is a great way to get them aroused. Even if they’re too exhausted, a massage can help them wind down from a long day.
7. Starting a Family May Be Difficult
You can barely get your partner into the bedroom, so starting a family may be slightly more challenging than a “normal” couple.
You may have gotten used to (and even enjoy) some time apart due to their work schedule, but when you eventually decide to have a family, it may be a struggle.
While it’s good to have a 24-hour doctor available for when you become pregnant, you could find yourself experiencing many stages of your pregnancy alone.
You had difficulty scheduling time together when it was only the two of you. So, with a family, it’s even more challenging. However, schedule family time as often as possible. You may not have the quantity, but you can have the quality.
8. You Don’t Feel like a Priority
Because of their important career and long work hours, you don’t feel like you take priority in their lives. Due to work obligations, you’ll need to deal with them being away.
When on call, they may have to leave on date night. Most times, you feel like you’re not even in the top three when it comes to their priorities.
Many healthy relationships go through changes, so don’t be discouraged. This situation is what you make of it. If you can deal with this aspect, you can do things to keep yourself busy. When your partner’s job is as important as saving lives, there’s no getting around it.
Regardless of the pros and cons, you can’t fight who you fall in love with. So, if you’re dating a doctor (or want to date a doctor), know that it can be both challenging and wonderful. However, it’s always your choice.
