This one is for the guys who, for the life of them, cannot figure out how to ask a woman on a date. Unfortunately, for every guy who’s a natural at it, plenty more don’t have the chutzpah to ask. Or if they do have the balls, their method sucks.
So, here’s what we’re going to do: We will give you proof-positive tips on asking out a woman without seeming pushy, needy, or just plain looking like a dick.
But, not to seem too harsh, asking women out can be difficult. We get it. Sometimes you’re nervous because you think she may reject you, and OUCH, that would hurt! Then you may be worried about how you look, talk to her, and come across.
Unfortunately, many guys make common mistakes that completely blow their chances of a first date because they can’t even get her number. The good news is that you can increase your odds of getting her to accept your invitation.
Instead of being just another annoying creepy dude who asks her out, use a few of these tips, and you can be well on your way to a successful first date.
Ask Her Out Face-To-Face
The key to successfully getting a ‘yes’ to an invitation is to ask her out in person. You may be shy or intimidated, but stop allowing those feelings to rule you. You’ll need to gather your self-confidence and realize that she might say yes. There’s a fifty-fifty chance, so why not look toward the positive rather than the negative?
This way, the date can run more smoothly. Also, if you have a friend (preferably a female), practice on them.
Prepare what you’re going to say and how you’re going to say it. Remember what your grade school teacher used to say: “Practice makes perfect.” After that, your delivery will be effortless, and you’ll only have to make one decision: where to go for your first date.
7 Ways to Boost Your Confidence as a Guy
Self-confidence is the ability to rely on and trust one’s qualities, skills, and judgments. Unfortunately, guys sometimes lack confidence in their relationships, careers, or appearance. It happens to all of us, and men are no different.
Self-confidence is usually linked to having a fulfilling life. In addition, confident men seem less anxious, less fearful, and more resilient, which is another link to a strong sense of identity.
However, let’s be clear; there is a difference between being confident and being a loud-mouthed, self-centered a-hole. When we say “confidence,” we’re referring to a quiet yet dignified spirit that attracts the interest and respect of all people around them. Here are 7 ways to raise your confidence to attract anything (and anyone) you want.
1). Embrace Who You Are
To be more confident, you need to know yourself more deeply. This entails being aware of your strengths but also embracing your flaws with a sense of grace.
Sometimes that annoying self-defeating voice prohibits us from realizing what assets we possess, so find a quiet place and sit down and take note of those things that make you proud of yourself. Start small (always remembering to take out the garbage) and then build up to the more significant things (the promotion at your job.)
2). Positive Mindset
Think about it, who wants to hang out with someone who’s constantly negative? I don’t like what I’m wearing today. My job sucks. She’ll never say yes to me. Negativity takes up plenty of energy that can be for better use.
And it’s not just the negative self-talk and thoughts. It would help if you also ignored all the negativity spoken about and around you. Instead, focus on remaining happy and supportive instead of falling prey to gossip and other negative talks.
Positivity also means being proud of your achievements. This doesn’t always come naturally to people, especially if raised in a hostile environment. Give yourself a break. However, correct the negative messages you give yourself. Soon you’ll see that being positive will naturally come to you.
3). Be Generous
After taking score of all the assets you possess (see #1), you will know that you have quite a bit to offer. This means it’s time to start giving back to others that which you have been given.
And, no, you don’t need to be a billionaire to give back. Giving back isn’t necessarily a monetary contribution. For example, you can donate your time to feeding the homeless or volunteer at a Boys and Girls club. It can even be something as small as buying lunch for a coworker.
When you give back, you release endorphins that make you feel happy, which, you guessed it, will increase your confidence.
4). Create Some Goals
Wandering around aimlessly, waiting for something to happen, is not attractive. Confident men move forward and push ahead to achieve whatever they desire. You don’t have to wait until next week or even next month. Create goals today, and get ready to take your life by the horns.
The key is to create goals that are challenging but achievable. This way, you can push yourself but still, reach your dreams.
5). Learn a New Skill
A Greek philosophy states something along the lines of realizing that as he gains knowledge, the true massiveness of the things he doesn’t know builds a sense of humility that helps to draw a line in the dirt between true confidence and arrogance.
In other words, confident men know enough about who they are not to be embarrassed or ashamed about asking questions or admitting to not knowing something. This is the key to gathering knowledge and learning new skills.
To build confidence, study a new language, or learn to play an instrument. Constant learning helps keep the mind young and makes you well-rounded.
6). Take Care of Yourself
It’s difficult to be confident when you allow your body to deteriorate, so take care of it. You don’t need to be perfect (who is?) Instead, make small changes.
Get regular health check-ups, including yearly physicals, dentist appointments, and eye exams. In addition, exercise regularly to help keep your body in shape and to maintain good posture.
Treating your body right will make you look and feel better. This combination will help you exude confidence.
7). Keep Yourself Well-Groomed
If you want to be confident, you need to appear confident. This is the fake-it-il-you-make-it rule. No one is ever confident 24/7, so if this is one of your down times and you’re not as confident in yourself as you’d like, make it look as though you are until your esteem rises.
This means taking care of your body, plus dressing the part. Take daily showers, wash your face, brush your teeth, and comb your hair. Also, take a minute to ensure you smell good with a nice-smelling cologne. You’ll be surprised at how far self-grooming goes regarding self-confidence.
Call with Confidence
Did you get her phone number at a bar and now want to contact her the next day to set up a date? This is OK, but be sure your call and text are confident yet pleasant. You got all the hard work out of the way by making initial contact and getting the digits, so don’t screw it up now.
- Start the conversation on an easy note. Then, make an appropriate joke to get her laughing and more relaxed.
- During the conversation, show interest by asking questions, but not anything too prying or that will make her uncomfortable. Instead, stay focused on lighter topics.
- Make the invitation by telling her you’d like to get to know her better. Then, based on her personality, ask her if she has any suggestions, or you can suggest what you believe she’d like.
- Be prepared for rejection. If she declines, she might give you a reason why. For example, she may say she can’t go out because of scheduling. If this is the case, ask if there is a better time. If she says no or doesn’t offer a better time, drop it and politely end the conversation.
- On the other hand, be prepared for acceptance. If she agrees to go out with you, take the W and politely end the conversation on a high note.
Don’t Be Vague about the Where and When
Speaking of confidence, the last person someone wants to go out with is a guy who seems wishy-washy about what he wants.
So, when communicating, be clear about where and when you’d like to meet. Bonus, if you ask her opinion, but if she defers back to you, don’t fret. Pick a time and place of somewhere you think she’d like. It helps if you already have a few places in mind before speaking with her. It shows you are interested enough to do some research.
- Set a distinct place
- Set a distinct time
- Give her details of where you’re going, and what you’re doing so she can adequately prepare herself
Be Concise with Your Texts
Texting is a good method to follow up with her after your initial meeting the night before and is the perfect noncommittal way for many people. Unfortunately, you can make texting errors that blow your chance for a date.
- Text her the afternoon after meeting her. You avoid showing obsession, but let her know you were thinking about her.
- Begin the conversation with a humorous or light comment that will make her laugh and help keep her relaxed. For instance, “Hey! I’m that awesomely hot guy that bought you a drink last night.”
- Please, DO NOT write a long message that professes your longing for her. Keep it as short as possible, but let her know who you are and why you’re texting.
- Be clear and articulate. You’re not talking to her in person, so take your time and re-read your message before sending it. You can even ask a friend to check it first.
- Never sound forceful. Don’t tell her she should be going out with you because she’ll miss out if she doesn’t. Messages like this practically beg for a ‘no’ response.
- Give her some time to respond. If she doesn’t text back in 4 minutes, don’t jump to conclusions and shoot off another text cussing her out for rejecting you. If she wants to go out with you, she will respond. If not, you’ll get the hint and move on.
Pick a Good Place and Time to Ask Her Out
If you ask her out in person, be sure it’s the right place and time. This is essential. After all, you don’t want to blow your chances for a ‘yes’ because you asked her out at an inappropriate time and place. When asking her out face-to-face, there are a few things to consider:
- Don’t choose a place or time where she can be easily distracted.
- Don’t ask too soon after your encounter. Ask toward the end when you think you’re about to part ways. Otherwise, it may seem awkward and desperate.
- If you’re in a club or bar with your buddies, find a moment when you are alone. Otherwise, friends might invite themselves, making it a group date.
Don’t Look Like a Stalker
Know when to give up even if you’re really into her. Doing so helps you avoid looking like a stalker. If you start obsessing, please try to control it. If she’s interested, she’ll let you know. However, if she rejects you, pack it up and call it quits.
If She Rejects You
- Don’t read into it and conclude that she’s playing “hard to get.” No means no!
- Don’t be rude. It’s a rejection and not the end of the world. So take it on the chin and move on. And we’ve got just the thing to help you do that.
- Don’t make it a point to “accidentally” run into her. That’s too stalker-ish. However, if you run into her by accident (for real), be polite. Say “hello” and keep it moving.
- Once she ghosts you, it’s a done deal. Stop assuming she didn’t contact you because she lost her phone, so you need to accidentally “bump” into her at her favorite coffee house. If she doesn’t respond to your text, she’s not interested.
Treat Her Respectfully
When you contact her by text or in person, ensure all interactions are done respectfully and not overpowering. Never assume that women want to be considered the less dominant party in the relationship, so defer to your judgment.
Instead, if the relationship moves forward, you will be equals and have mutual respect. Here are 3 common sense tips that may not be so common.
- Always regard her tastes and opinions
- Do not be rude or insult her
- Never make assumptions about her before getting to know her
Honesty Is the Best Policy
When asking her out, don’t try to sell yourself as “just a friend” when you know you want more. Likewise, when you set up a date, don’t act as if it’s something that two buddies do.
If you’re interested in her in a romantic way, you need to be upfront about it. If not, you’re lying and luring her into a friendship that has ulterior motives. Doing so will only frustrate both of you in the long run.
Present Yourself Positively
When you ask her out, be sure to have positive body language. You want to show her that you’re confident in getting to know her better by allowing your body language to match up with your words.
Stand up straight, square up your shoulders, and smile. Your arms and hands should be in a non-defensive and relaxed posture. Here are a few things to avoid:
- Crossing your arms. This posture appears to be defensive
- Slouching. This shows disinterest
- Fidgeting with your hands. Stop playing with things in your hand (pencil, paper.) Also, don’t fidget with anything in your pocket. Your hands should be at your side in a relaxed manner.
When asking her out, make sure you’re super confident. Focus on all your good qualities and take that into a conversation with her.
As we described earlier, there is a difference between cockiness and confidence. Here are snags to consider:
- Don’t come off as arrogant. Most people are turned off by someone who thinks way too highly of themselves
- Don’t give off the idea that you’re too good for her. You also don’t want it to appear that you’re doing her a favor by asking her out.
- Don’t brag or boast about yourself
Good Hygiene Is a Must
To give a good initial impression, you must maintain excellent hygiene and look well-groomed. Unfortunately, some guys don’t keep the best hygiene, and now is the perfect time to step it up a notch if you’re one of those guys. To maintain good hygiene, consider the following.
- Shower before your date
- Shave or keep your beard well-groomed
- Use deodorant and cologne if you like. But don’t use cologne without showering, and avoid using too much of it.
- Brush and floss
- Wash your clothes and wear only clean clothes. If you’re not sure, don’t take the chance
- Please iron your clothes if needed. Refrain from wearing dingy, holey clothes. Even if clean, an unkempt appearance gives off the impression that you don’t care.
Be Natural and Don’t Make It a Big Deal When Asking Her Out
Never make it sound like asking her out is a huge deal. Keep from making the situation urgent. Instead, be casual but interested. She may feel just as awkward if you’re nervous and uneasy when asking her out.
Make the invitation sound like it’s just the next logical step after getting to know her. This will help you both feel comfortable about the situation.
Do Not Suggest a Majestic First Date
Romantic movies portray a first date as something that should be this huge production. Real life is different. Proposing a grandiose first date can give an incorrect impression of who you are.
While you want your first date to be memorable, you don’t want it to be intimidating. Doing so lets her know that you’re overenthusiastic about a relationship that may or may not exist in the future.
The purpose of a first date is to get to know the person by spending quality time focusing on what they like. Unfortunately, if you plan a big activity, the spotlight is more on the event than her. Here are date suggestions to avoid that could distract you from one another.
- Concert events or music festivals contain loud music, undermining your ability to communicate and connect. Plus, they usually last for hours, so while you may enjoy the concert, you won’t get to know her on a deeper level.
- Events that require traveling more than thirty minutes from your home. For a first date, you should feel comfortable, so consider attending a nearby event.
- Activities that the other person might not be interested in. For example, don’t suggest a date at an art museum if she never mentioned being interested in art.
Also, suggest another option if she’s inappropriately dressed for the event. For instance, she wouldn’t be comfortable going on a hike if she wore a skirt and heels on the date.
- Locations that force you to spend time together even if the date is a bust. Public settings and areas are better because they can give you exit strategies.
- Overly romantic dates are too much pressure. Remember, you’re simply trying to get to know one another, not feel each other out to see if your date is marriage material.
Don’t do things like rent out a location for a romantic dinner for two. While it looks good in the movies, it’s not the thing to do when first meeting someone. Instead, keep it low-key, and if the relationship continues, you can consider a more grandiose option.
Asking a woman on a date doesn’t have to be challenging. If you consider some of the above options, it can run smoothly.
So, the next time you ask her out, be confident. It’s just a date; if she says no, you’ll live to see another day and ask someone else. Eventually, you’ll get better at this and find the right one for you.