How it started: You couldn’t get your partner to stay in for the night. It was a party every day. And if they weren’t going to a party, they started their own at home.
How it’s going: Aside from work and occasionally walking the dog, you can’t get your partner to leave the house. So Uber eats has your order on standby every Tuesday and Thursday.
Does this sound like your situation? If so, your partner may be experiencing a case of the Anti-Social Blues. Side-effects include:
- Waking you up at the crack of dawn because they fall asleep at 7:00 p.m. every night
- Not answering the doorbell even when it’s their mom
- Hiding behind the pasta aisle at the supermarket to avoid running into their old primary school teacher
Couples can go through situations where one or more partner prefers to stay in rather than hang out with friends or go to a social event. This is most common during the colder months when it takes more effort to leave the house.
However, if it’s been months and your partner still lacks the desire to attend social events, they may be experiencing something more serious.
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)- What Is It?
According to Mayoclinic.org, SAD is “a type of depression commonly related to changes in the seasons. If you’re like most people with SAD, your symptoms start in the fall and continue into the winter months, sapping your energy and making you feel moody. These symptoms often resolve during the spring and summer months.” In other words, SAD is temporary, and the depression dissipates during warmer months.
However, sometimes, a person has an occasional lack of energy which causes them to want to stay indoors more. Or, they are shy and find it difficult to meet people because they are socially awkward in groups.
If your partner used to be a social butterfly but now only wants to sit on the couch and eat sweet potato chips, check out some tips on getting your partner off the couch, dressed, and ready to go.
Symptoms of Social Awkwardness
How do you know your partner is socially awkward and not just a homebody? If the situation is affecting your relationship and they want to do something about it, it’s more a case of being shy or socially awkward instead of just wanting to stay home and chill.
Symptoms of being socially awkward include:
- Intense fear of talking to strangers
- Worry about humiliating or embarrassing yourself
- Fear that others notice your awkwardness through
- Sweating
- Trembling
- Shaky voice
- Fear of being in situations in which you may be negatively judged (speaking engagements)
- Anxiety anticipating an activity that causes you fear
- Intense anxiety during social interactions
- Imagining the worst possible outcome from a social situation
- Avoiding situations where you may be the center of attention
Physical symptoms:
- Blushing
- Rapid heartbeat
- Trouble catching your breath
- Upset stomach
- Nausea
- Lightheadedness/ dizziness
- Muscle tension
- A feeling your mind has gone blank
Over time,
symptoms of social anxiety disorder can change and may trigger when you anticipate upcoming events.
One short-term remedy is avoiding the situation that causes you anxiety. Avoidance may help you feel better temporarily. However, the fear will likely continue if you don’t seek treatment.
Tips to Get Your Partner to Be More Sociable
If your partner is leaning toward being anti-social, with a little effort and patience, helping them go from shy to sociable is something you can do.
Don’t Force It
Just because your partner doesn’t like going out all the time, don’t make a huge deal out of it by saying accusatory things like, “You never want to go out.” and “You’re so boring.”
Nobody appreciates being nagged into doing something, which may encourage them to stay home. So instead, start smaller and suggest doing something that even they can’t turn down. For example, treat them to dinner at their favorite rib joint or surprise them with tickets to a movie they want to see.
Go Out on Dates, Just the Two of You
The more time you spend with your partner, the more comfortable they’ll feel around others. Sometimes being sociable is about being more self-assured, and the best place to feel more confident in the company of others starts with you.
Get them off the couch by offering to do things they enjoy, or suggest doing something exciting and brand new for the both of you.
Intimate Date Ideas for Couples
- Spend the evening looking at the stars: On a clear night, grab a blanket for an evening of stargazing.
- Cook an amazing dinner: Wine and pasta? Who could ask for more?
- Make sushi together
- Bake heart-shaped cookies
- Creature feature: Watch a double feature of your favorite horror movie underneath a cozy blanket.
- Make s’mores
- Camp in your backyard (or the living room if you’re not the outdoorsy type)
- Write love letters to each other
- Game night with just the two of you
- Take an online French lesson
- Build a fort: Get cozy underneath your fort and watch a favorite movie or play a video game.
- Have a spa night: Make it as innocent or as sexual as you prefer.
- Take a bubble bath
- Make it a fast-food night: Add a movie, and you’re set. Create your own fancy cocktails
- Have dinner in bed
- Create an old-school sleepover with blankets and a carpet picnic of pizza
- Hold an at-home wine tasting
- DIY Paint and Sip
- Create an ice cream bar
Nudge in the Right Direction
Sometimes you must take matters into your own hands but be discreet about it. Take the initiative and host a small dinner party. Create a guest list of people that have a wide range of interests.
However, refrain from surprising your partner with the party. Instead, make them a big part of the planning. Have them help with things like suggesting activities and the type of food. Make them excited to attend a fabulous dinner soiree they helped plan.
No Sneakiness. Instead, Be Transparent
Let’s face it; no one likes to be blindsided or put into a possible anxiety-inducing situation. So don’t sneak around. If you plan to set your mate up on a “blind date” with your best friend’s significant other, make sure you have your partner’s consent.
If you’re going out to dinner, don’t “accidentally” run into your best friend and their partner and pull the ol’ “Heeey, I didn’t know you were going to be here!” routine. Your partner will see right through that, and the evening will not end favorably.
Communication
Truthfully, it’s okay if you and your partner don’t do everything together. You’re not joined at the hip. But, sometimes, if you enjoy attending social events together, tell them so. If you don’t communicate how you feel, they’ll assume you’re okay with the relationship as is. Take advantage of this opportunity to be truthful and upfront.
Effective Ways to Communicate
- Look them in the eye
- Listen as much as you speak
- Turn off your phone
- Give them your full attention
- Ask questions
- Nod in agreeance
- Watch your non-verbal cues (yawning, eye-rolling)
- Be brief yet specific
- Always think before you speak
Enlist Your Friends for Help
If your friend is having a social gathering, be sure you’re at the top of the list for an invite. You want to take advantage of every opportunity to get your partner out there. Confiding with trusted friends about your concerns will make it easier to find things for you and your partner to do because your friends will look out for you.
For instance, you’re not going to know about every event in town, but your friend can notify you of social gatherings, concerts, and parties you don’t know about.
Never Push Them to Be More Sociable
There is a fine line that you should not cross. It’s okay to nudge but pull back when you see your effort is harming more than helping.
For instance, if you attempt to organize a dinner party and your partner adamantly disagrees, save the dinner for another time. Again, the idea is to encourage rather than force them to socialize more.
3 Types of People Who Socially Withdraw
While some people are natural extroverts, others prefer to be in the company of one; themselves. People who are more introverted include
- People who are shy: They prefer social scenes in moderation, if at all. Studies indicate they are more likely to engage in physical aggression than those who aren’t shy.
- The unsocial: They occasionally attend smaller events like dinner parties or game nights but may appear socially awkward. They are more creative but need more motivation to do what they want.
- The avoiders: Like the name, they avoid being in social situations at all costs. You’d be lucky if you could drag them to an event. They are less creative than those non-avoidant people.
Encourage an Anti-anxiety Lifestyle
Often, side effects come with anxiety, including
- tiredness due to lack of sleep
- risk of heart disease
- memory problems
- frequent migraines
- gastrointestinal disorders
- nausea
- dizziness
- weakness
Join your partner and dedicate yourselves to making healthy lifestyle choices. Doing so promotes good physical and mental health. Encourage day-to-day activities that promote wellness like:
Join your partner and dedicate yourselves to making healthy lifestyle choices. Doing so promotes good physical and mental health. Encourage day-to-day activities that promote wellness like:
- Eating a nutritious diet
- Getting enough quality rest every evening
- Avoiding drugs and alcohol
- Limiting caffeine
- Exercising regularly
- Using relaxing activities like yoga, meditation, and deep breathing practices
Use a Little Motivation
Don’t discourage your partner by picking apart his social skills. For example, you finally get your partner to go out, but you watch them intently to ensure they aren’t embarrassing you.
Unfortunately, watching them throughout the evening will make them more nervous and create a less enjoyable evening. Instead of scrutinizing their every move, be more encouraging by offering a smile or squeezing their hand when they’re speaking.
If you notice your partner exhibiting signs of social anxiety, give support, not judgment, with a simple gesture like rubbing their arm. They’re doing the best they can and are making an effort. So, please show your appreciation for their attempt.
Raise Your Partner’s Confidence
Sometimes it isn’t about anxiety. Being anti-social can also be due to a lack of confidence. Maybe your partner is unhappy with their looks, or they feel they don’t have anything intriguing to add to a conversation. If that’s the case, this is where your job comes in.
Help boost your partner’s self-esteem by practicing self-love. As a couple, try new things together, like a cooking or dance class. When we feel good about ourselves, we tend to be more confident.
To boost your partner’s confidence, don’t be condescending. Instead, be honest. If they cook a delicious meal for you, tell them so. Show them they’re desirable with a knowing glance or a sensual smile. If they do something well, tell them. For example, do you like the way he cleans the house? Do you like the way she elegantly sets the table for a dinner party? Compliments like this create a happy, more confident partner.
Make it your mission to stop taking your partner for granted. Instead, start complimenting the small gestures of love from them. You’ll be amazed at the benefits you see for your relationship.
Discuss Your Partner’s Feelings
There may be a reason why your significant other doesn’t want to go out, but you won’t know unless you ask. For example, maybe they’ve been working hard and lack the energy to attend a game night. Don’t get impatient, and avoid getting upset. Doing so may cause them to hold back their feelings, making it more challenging to get to the root cause.
Also, keep judgment to yourself. Your partner may deal with issues beyond their control, so be rational. Don’t try to “fix” them or change the situation by telling them to “Get over it” or “Nobody is even looking at you.” Statements like this negate their feelings and may cause them to retreat into their shell.
You want to motivate your partner, so this is the time when you should listen to what they tell you. Encourage them by offering suggestions, but don’t force a solution. Instead, let them know you are there for them and will help in any way you can.
