The Cruel Truth about Falling in Love with the ‘Bad Boy’

Man on motorcycle with bad boy persona

Are you dating a guy who’s constantly unclear and flaky about his intentions? Unfortunately, that’s one of the prices you pay when dating a bad boy. 

He’s the type of guy who dates you while still on dating sites like Tinder, Match, and Zoosk. He tells you he likes you, but you feel like he’s dealing with other women behind your back. 

Imagine this: You’ve met an awesome guy, but he’s unsettled and doesn’t want to commit anytime soon. You want him to settle down with you but feel like it’s a lost cause. Is there anything you can do to make him commit to you?

Continue reading, and you’ll discover that the answer is a big, fat no. But don’t lose hope just yet because there is a light at the end of the tunnel. 

Cruel Truths about Falling in Love with the Bad Boy

The Very Few Bad Boys Women Can Control

If you want your bad boy to settle down, there needs to be a part of him that has been wanting and considering settling down. If there is a part of him–no matter how small–that feels like he is outgrowing the player lifestyle, you may have a little something to work with. 

The most effective way to determine if a bad boy is ready for a monogamous, long-term relationship is to ask. That’s it–just ask if he’s ready to settle down. But when you do, ask in a few different ways, and don’t stop asking until you are clear on his intentions and what he wants. 

You Can Never Force a Guy to Settle Down if He Isn’t Ready

You’ve likely met plenty of guys like this at your job, in your social circle, or when you’re hanging out around town. You’ve come across Mr. Don’t Wanna Be Tamed hitting on multiple chicks (his word, not yours) and dating one woman to another. He goes out on the weekend like he is the Energizer bunny and shows no signs of slowing down. 

Most guys who consider themselves “the bad boy” or the “the player” can’t be tamed for too long by just one person. These guys crave the attention and stimulation they get from running around town and giving up that sort of “stimulus” can take years instead of weeks or months as hoped. 

Questions You Should Ask to See if He’s Ready to Settle Down

  • Are you looking to date casually or are you interested in settling down with one person?
  • Do you and your friends still hang out a lot every weekend?
  • If you settled down and found yourself in a serious relationship, would you feel like you’re missing out on a lot of things you typically do with your friends?
  • Are most of your close friends settled down, or are they single and still playing the field?

These questions may sound like an interrogation, but it’s only four direct questions. This is a very important issue, and you need to get to the bottom of it. 

Asking these direct questions is the best way to determine if he’s in it for the perks or if he’s in it for the long haul. After all, you are attempting to figure out if it is wise for you to invest your time and energy into this person, so he shouldn’t fault you for that. 

Once you have asked these four questions, you’ll have a much better sense of whether or not this is the guy with whom you can have a settled relationship and start something serious. 

Why Some Men Aren’t Ready to Settle Down Now

Most men will opt to settle down one day, meaning that they’ll choose someone to set up house with and have a family. If a guy isn’t interested in settling down now but wants to settle down later, he may not want to do it now because he still wants to “have his cake and eat it, too.” In other words, he prefers to celebrate his freedom and have a good time while he still can.

His circle of friends is still hanging out, and he has a bad case of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out.) Or maybe he’s focused on furthering his career. He could be ensuring that nothing gets in the way of his goals and aspirations.

Why Some Guys Don’t Want to Settle Down Ever

Many guys will one day settle down, but a vast majority will never choose the traditional, settled life. In other words, not all guys will end up perusing the car lot for that minivan. 

Most guys who decide not to settle down and choose a long-term monogamous relationship are single at heart, and they don’t desire the intimacy and attachment that comes along with married life. 

These guys are only turned on by having an indulgent, spontaneous lifestyle that would die a wretched death with one partner and a couple of kids. Additionally, many of these guys have major emotional and unresolved issues that cause them to avoid committing and settling down.

Man with two woman, not wanting to settle down

Can You Make a ‘Bad Boy’ Fall in Love with You?

So you’re asking how you can make him fall in love with you. And we don’t blame you. You’ve invested time, energy, and sometimes even money into getting him to be your long-term love. 

So, if you’re looking for love and find yourself charmed by their magnetic personality, you’re not the only one. Most of us have fallen for at least one or two bad boys in our lifetime, but unfortunately, not all of us understand how to create a relationship with them. 

2 Surefire Methods to Make a ‘Bad Boy’ Fall in Love with You

Take Risks

Learn to expand your comfort zone. Instead of getting stuck in an unsatisfying, pointless relationship with a guy with whom you’re not compatible, stop wasting your valuable time and find someone that’s going to challenge you. 

Take a few risks and step outside your comfort zone so you can experience things you might not typically try. Be more open to recognizing exciting opportunities. In other words, say “yes’ to something you’ve secretly wanted to try in the past. 

That said, taking risks doesn’t mean doing something overtly dangerous or violating your natural instincts. Just as you get to choose him, you also get to choose your limitations. 

Equalize Your Head with Your Heart

Bad boys keep love and lust swirling around in your head. Most times, logic doesn’t prevail, and unfortunately, that’s where the problems come in, especially with the guys that are good for you.

Understand that the initial attraction you have with him is never based on “real” love. Hormones drive the appeal you have toward him. When the chemical reaction subsides–and it will, eventually–you’ll soon discover whether or not you’re genuinely compatible. And let’s not forget the raw animal attraction you have to someone you deem mysterious and dangerous. 

Finding a good man isn’t a race. While attraction is an essential factor in relationships, a truly lasting and great relationship balances compatibility and chemistry. So, slow it down to a steady pace.  

In other words, allow that bad boy to simmer a bit. Enjoy the exhilaration and the fun, but pace yourself. One thing that all guys respect–yes, even bad boys–is a woman who has self-respecting and healthy boundaries in all of her relationships. 

What if I Want the Bad Boy to Chase Me?

You don’t always have to be the aggressor when it comes to snagging someone, even a bad boy. Some people spend more time than they care to admit chasing after that bad boy and trying to convince them that they really did like them. 

You run the risk of rejection, which can make your self-esteem plummet. Eventually, you may come to the point that you don’t understand what you’re doing wrong by initiating contact with the first and showing interest. 

It can backfire when you put yourself in the driver’s seat and steer straight for that bad boy. The rejection and heartbreak can be devastating until you finally learn how some guys are hardwired, especially bad boys. 

Why Men Should Chase You

Whether or not you like it, most men are hunters who enjoy the chase. This statement may sound somewhat demeaning because the words “the chase” can imply that men aren’t good enough or worthy for women to show an interest in them.

Men continuously proclaim that if a woman they were attracted to shows even the slightest interest in them, they would love it. And they’re not lying about this. However, women and men have altering views of “showing interest.” Male attraction requires two crucial things: Effort and sexual attraction. 

It’s as if they’re working with two heads; the one on top of their neck and the one in their pants. If a guy isn’t physically attracted to you, he won’t feel the drive to get your attention.

You might have great conversations that last forever. You might have great sex. You might even see “genuine potential” in him and fall in love. 

Unfortunately, if he doesn’t see you as sexually attractive, the relationship will never progress beyond friends-with-benefits.

man holding onto woman's arm trying to propose

Achievement in a relationship lives in the masculine realm of guys. When they make a woman happy, they see it as an achievement. This is also true for proposing and “being the breadwinner.”

Here Are Ways to Make Him Chase You (With Examples):

1. Don’t Make Your Life All about Him.

If you have a routine, continue with it, and don’t skip or exclude anything that you would typically do in your daily life simply because you feel like you should make time for him. 

For example, don’t skip your gym routine for him or forego taking time for yourself for some much-needed self-care.

Don’t suddenly stop working toward your goals or quit your interests and hobbies to make them your primary focus. But don’t make it appear like you’re always busy or he’ll see that as you not being interested. Find a bit of time for him and make it seem like you were able to squeeze in some time from your busy day just for him. 

2. Make Him Wonder about You.

Whenever you’re with him, be sure to do something he’ll remember before you leave him for the day or evening, so he can’t stop thinking about you. 

For instance, when you’re on a date with him, be sure you’re his last kiss on your way out the door. This way he won’t stop thinking about the kiss and the next time he’s going to get another one.

Don’t do something completely over the top, like having sex with him before you’re ready. Leave a few things to his imagination, and don’t allow him lead you to do something you don’t feel comfortable with. 

3. Use Your Natural Feminine Charm.

Being a woman is something that will force his awareness toward you. But you still have to show him you’re interested without having to do all the work. 

For example, when you use your feminine energy, you’re being playful, happy, flirtatious, and receptive to his advances. He should be the one to go after more of your attention and time while you enjoy and allow that attention.

When a guy demonstrates his interest by regularly contacting you and attempting to make dates, let him. Make him fit himself into your world as you maintain your routine. In other words, don’t say yes to everything he suggests. 

If you meet an individual who hesitates to take the relationship to the next level, ask yourself the following couple of questions:

  • Does he want to settle down now?
  • Will this guy ever settle down?

After asking yourself, ask him these questions. His answers will determine whether or not he is the right person for you. Also, make sure you don’t sound confrontational, anxious, or judgmental when you do. You want him to be open and honest and not give you an answer you want to hear just to keep you around. 

Most people have an instinct that informs them whether someone is ready to settle down, so be sure to be honest with yourself so you can hear the answer fully, not just what you’re hoping to hear. 

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