Sometimes, when we meet someone, we feel like this will be The One, and we’re confident they will be the love of our life. Then, a few months into the relationship, they—or even you—no longer feel it as intensely as you once did for some unknown reason. The vibes aren’t there; you can take the relationship or leave it.
You’re both confused about why the other person hasn’t completely fallen for the other. However, if you seriously think about it, it could be the case that this person (or you) has never been in love with anyone…ever!
This makes you wonder if the problem is bigger than just you two being together in a relationship. Some people may be incapable of falling and staying in love.
Is There Such a Thing as People Being Incapable of Falling in Love?
Yes, some people are incapable of falling in love. Unfortunately, it happens more often than you think. Some don’t even know they exhibit this trait.
People who are incapable of love don’t love themselves. Without that, there is no possible way to love someone else or even know how to experience that love if they haven’t learned to love the person they are first. For this reason, being in love is almost impossible for them.
What Makes Someone Incapable of Love?
The reasons for someone being incapable of love may stem from negative childhood experiences, previous traumas in their relationship, or simply the basic nature of their true personality.
Often, they only recognize that they’re incapable of loving when more than one person points it out. Or, they can realize their issue from a therapist or other licensed professionals.
12 Signs That a Person is Incapable of Love
1. They don’t take responsibility or accountability for any wrongdoing
People who cannot fully love someone have a limited ability to view their faults in circumstances or relationships. For them, apologizing doesn’t come easy (if ever) because they never see themselves in the wrong.
Unfortunately, they won’t even attempt to see their faults because of their limited viewpoint. Instead of working together in a relationship, it’s often one-sided.
2. They blame others for their problems
Individuals who aren’t capable of love often blame others for their issues. They don’t understand how they could contribute to their problem, so they see everyone else as the root cause of their issue.
They’re narrow-minded and only focus on how a circumstance or relationship benefits them or how it holds them back. Rarely do they blame themselves for situations not working out as they had hoped.
3. They constantly make excuses for their stream of disastrous relationships
Owning up to a situation involves knowledge about oneself and a little self-awareness. This presents a challenge for someone incapable of love.
Instead, they continuously make up excuses for the behavior by saying things like, “I was drunk, so stop taking it personally,” “I don’t always act that way,” or “I couldn’t help it because you pissed me off!”
4. They show little or no interest in growing as an individual
As a result of their personality traits, this person will show little interest in personal growth. As time goes by, you’ll witness their attention span diminishing, almost as if they’re announcing they don’t care, but without actually speaking the words out loud.
5. Easily giving up on relationships
Those incapable of love may give up on something or someone if it no longer benefits them. They don’t think about the consequences for the other person (ex, hurt feelings). They don’t consider them because, frankly, they don’t care.
When they’re not getting any excitement or exhilaration out of the relationship, that person no longer serves their purpose, which is to fulfill them. A person incapable of love loses interest, and ultimately, the relationship dwindles.
6. They are withdraw emotionally
Your partner will emotionally withdraw from the relationship while you may or may not understand what’s happening in their mind because of their emotional issues. You are the only one working on the relationship while they move further away from you and from showing any emotion.
7. They exhibit a lack of communication skills
As a result of a person being unable to love and because of their narrow-minded nature, they don’t communicate much. Instead, they allow hurt or upset feelings to stir up inside until they find it challenging to handle.
Eventually, those suppressed emotions will explode. The frustration is within them, but they don’t see it that way, so they blame others.
8. They often refuse to compromise
Everything is always about them and no one else. It’s always “I want this,” or “I want that.” It never involves anyone else’s wants or needs because they’re not interested in compromise. They’re not interested in helping others but are quick to take, take, take because it’s always about them.
10 Things a Good Boyfriend Will Never Ask You to Do
At some time, we’ve all been in a relationship where we’ve felt more like a secretary or mother than a partner. When dating, we can sometimes fall into these bizarre roles.
They come about casually, but after dealing with a significant other for a while, we find ourselves doing things we would have never done at the beginning of the relationship.
If you’re regularly taking on any of the tasks on this list, it’s time to re-evaluate your relationship and get your man to lend a helping hand.
Doing his laundry
At the beginning of the relationship, he not only did his own laundry, but he helped out with yours a few times, and you appreciated it.
Now, he’s asking you to clean his dirty shorts weekly, and you hate it. If you do it as a chore because you split responsibilities with one another, that’s one thing.
But if he’s asking because he’s too lazy to do his own or because his mom used to do it, and now he considers it “woman’s work,” you might want to tell him to get off his lazy butt and do it himself. This isn’t the 1950s; you’re not the happy, healthy housewife. You also work full-time.
A good partner compromises. Oh, and did we mention that studies indicate helping around the house increases a guy’s chances of getting laid? So there’s that.
Plan the vacation
When you ask if you’d rather spend your summer vacation in Cabo or the Poconos, you expect him to express a preference and not say, “I’m cool with whatever!” That’s just code for “do it yourself and I’ll be at the bar with the guys.”
Then when you choose one over the other, he gripes the entire time about your poor choice. Nope, you’re not doing it this year!
This also goes for:
- restaurant reservations
When guys allow their girlfriends to take the reins, it’s not considerate at all. It’s lazy and boring, and they shouldn’t be tasked to do it. Next time, split up the planning. For instance, she can pick the hotel, and you can choose the activities.
Buy gifts and cards on his behalf for other people
If you’re out with him, running errands, you’ll help, but nah, you shouldn’t be expected to be the one always inconvenienced to grab a gift or card on his behalf. FYI, guys: women don’t always know the best size and color dress to get your aunt for Christmas. Just sayin’!
Be his morning wake-up call
If he has a phone, he has an alarm. But he can’t be bothered to figure that out. Instead, he wants you to remember his daily wake-up and nap schedule. As an occasional favor, okay. But not every day, and then he has the nerve to get upset if you forget.
Make him his sandwiches
Even if he’s closer to the refrigerator, he yells, “Babe! Can you make me a sandwich?” from the couch. He doesn’t want to do it because he’s winning the game and can’t take half a second to hit the pause button.
You might do it if you agree to turn off the TV for fifteen minutes and enjoy the sandwich together, but don’t expect too much. If he couldn’t take the time to make it, he damn sure doesn’t want to take the time to sit down and enjoy it together. So you’re back to “fix it yourself!”
Take care of him and his drunk buddies
The best thing you can do for all four of his drunk buddies is to help them hail an Uber. But he needs to stop expecting you to allow them to lay all over your place while you make them drink coffee all night to help sober them up for work the following day. Your place is not hangover central, so tell them to go to their own girlfriends’ houses.
Hang out with any of his exes
Why is this even a thing? Some women enjoy befriending the ex, while others want to satisfy their curiosity about her.
However, if you have no interest in knowing who she is or anything about her, don’t allow him to force you to. Just because he’s friendly with his ex doesn’t mean you need to be.
This is one big fat no-no! He should never ask you to lose weight. If he has valid concerns with your health, he can suggest a health plan you can both use.
Women don’t have a problem toning up here and there for health reasons or for themselves, but is his concern only about the 7 pounds you gained over the holidays? Did you mention the 10 pounds he gained? No? Okay, we won’t talk about that.
Invite her on a hike or to a yoga class together. Don’t see it as a rigorous routine. Instead, view exercise and working out as something active and fun you can do together instead of something she’s doing to please you.
Watch all of his favorite movies/shows
How would he like it if you made him watch The Real Housewives of the OC? Exactly! So guys, please don’t make her sit through something you know she has no interest in.
It’s okay if he suggests a show. If you like it, then great. But if you show no interest, he needs to let it go. Instead, pick something you both enjoy and can watch together.
Keeping her hair the way you like it
Do you want to try something new, but he forbids you to do so? (Yeah, we’re laughing, too.) It doesn’t need to go as far as forbidding, but he should stop announcing his displeasure if you want to try something different.
Instead, he should be supportive that you’re looking for something new. Ultimately, he has no say in whether or not you want to wear your hair short, long, or go bald.
This goes for color, too. He should cheer you on if you want to try a new color. When he says things like, “You know I only like blondes,” or “short hair doesn’t suit you,” it only makes you want to try it even more. Besides, shortcuts are cute. Has he seen Halle Berry or Keira Knightley circa 2006?
One of the worst things he can do in a relationship is stifle your fashion choices. Showcase your style without worrying about what he thinks. Sure, he can offer input, but remember, it’s your choice, so he should accept that and get over it.
9. They are always unhappy
Those who cannot love are also prone to unhappiness in or out of a relationship. They can explain that this is something new but something progressive. But that’s not entirely true.
Their unhappiness begins with them not perceiving who they are. In other words, they become unhappy because they don’t have a clear foundation of the person they were and the individual they’re becoming.
10. They care too much about what others think
People incapable of love typically rely too heavily on wanting people to like them. Because of this, they don’t have the time or energy to care for your wants and needs.
The surprising thing is; they’re so busy trying to get attention from other people they often neglect their own needs or wants.
They want to portray a specific image to the masses, so they’ll have to forego being in a HEALTHY relationship with you. If you are in a relationship with someone like this, you become their support system rather than a partner. You’re the one they look toward as their ego booster when someone doesn’t like them.
This can become exhausting because you’re busy stroking their ego rather than working on the relationship to create a healthy environment.
This is not the type of relationship for you. Instead, you want a nurturing relationship because healthy relationships have many benefits.
11. They constantly exhibit their close-mindedness
These people are often very rigid and steadfast in their ways. Since they can’t open themselves up to love, they aren’t anywhere near ready to be in a relationship.
Unfortunately, they won’t ever have a successful relationship if they don’t learn how to gain self-respect and show love for themselves.
12. They sometimes present psychiatric systems of EDD
Emotional Deprivation Disorder is a syndrome or a grouping of symptoms which result from a lack of genuine affirmations and emotional strengthening by another person.
People with EDD were deprived of feeling their goodness or specialness while growing up. This caused them to stunt their emotional development.
Sadly, they can’t maintain a positive and healthy relationship because they lack the necessary information or knowledge to do so.
Think of it as attempting to perform heart surgery without attending medical school. You have no idea what to do, where to begin, or how to react. That’s what it’s like for people with EDD.
What to Do If You’re Tired of Having Doomed Relationships
Unfortunately, you may only know you’re in a relationship with someone incapable of love once you’ve invested much time and energy. Sometimes, people have a pattern of falling into doomed relationships because, unknowingly, it’s something they’re attracted to.
However, if you’re sick and tired of being in failed relationships, one after the other, try some of the following tips. They may get you back on track to help you find your true love.
Consider how you honestly feel about yourself
Sometimes we attract not what we’re looking for but how we feel about ourselves. Are you looking for someone who completes you, like in the movie?
All any of us want is love–we get that. But if you don’t love who you are first, you will constantly search to find it elsewhere. It may be in a relationship, through sex, or somewhere else outside of yourself.
This can be an endless and tiresome cycle that will never feed your desires or fill you up. When you unconditionally love yourself, you make room for the person who loves and respects you as much as you do.
Let go of any of the usual types you’re accustomed to dating because they haven’t worked, or you still wouldn’t be searching. Once you find that ultimate love for yourself, be open to dating people you wouldn’t typically date.
For example, if you’re an older person and use online dating sites, try sites that are specifically catered to seniors.
Doing so narrows your search, and you can find someone with similar interests. Once you find that love for yourself, anyone on the outside will be a bonus in your life.
Be aware of the energy you put out into the universe
Like attracts like, so if you’re a mean, spiteful person, that’s exactly what you will attract in your next partner. If you’re still feeling bitter or angry from your past relationship, how will you attract The One?
The same goes for desperation and neediness. If these emotions haven’t worked for you in the past, figure out how to leave them behind. That may take some real soul-searching or even a licensed therapist. But the last thing you want to do is bring that baggage into your next relationship.
Imagine words floating around in your mind that describe who you are now and how you feel. If you don’t like those descriptions, change them by changing yourself. You have a choice; you can head forward or backward or remain stagnant. Which do you choose?
Focus on your best self and work to become that person. It won’t happen overnight, but you’ll become it if you want it enough. You may falter a few times, but that doesn’t matter. Stay focused, and you’ll be your best you.
Use your dating history as a learning experience before jumping into a new relationship
Before getting into a new relationship, ask yourself five fundamental questions:
- What were you tolerating in your past relationship that wasn’t okay?
- Were you setting (and keeping) healthy boundaries?
- How were your communication skills on a scale of 1-10?
- Did you give the relationship your all?
- In what ways could you improve?
When you don’t work on and grow from your past experiences, you’ll be the same person in any new relationship you encounter. If you didn’t like who you were, it’s up to you to change that and anything else that derailed your relationship. Remember, you can’t change another person; you can only change yourself.
It’s not like you need to fix yourself because fixing implies there’s something wrong with you, and that’s not the case. However, if you know you didn’t give your relationship the full attention it needed and deserved, learn what it takes to do so for your next relationship. Otherwise, you’re just bringing the same you into a new situation.
Just because you or your partner is incapable of love doesn’t mean you can’t eventually reverse that and find your soul mate. Seek outside assistance from a licensed professional. Eventually, you’ll learn to open your heart and find true love.