How to Use Body Language in Online Dating

Woman posing for picture

Body language is an essential component of all human communication – in fact, experts say it contributes to up to 90% of it! But you’re getting into online dating… and you feel limited to your words. Words are powerful, don’t get me wrong – you can say a lot and find success based on your words alone. But what about setting your profile apart from the rest of the millions of dating options out there? Couldn’t body language make your profile stand out and catch those high-quality matches you’re looking for?

The answer is yes! There are some ways that you can incorporate effective body language into your online dating experience that will help to make you the most attractive choice to your matches. It’s not sneaky either – you’re not deceiving anyone by taking some valuable information and putting it to use to show that you’re an attractive, open, and compassionate option for people to date. 

Knowledge is power – so let’s dive into the best ways that you can use effective body language in your online dating experience!

Body Language in Your Pictures

An overwhelming amount of dating platforms allow you to post a few pictures of yourself on your profile. Your body language in these pictures can make the difference between getting a message or getting swiped over! There are a couple of body language elements that will set your profile apart from the rest. 

Convey Confidence

You want your matches to see you as a self-confident person ready for a great relationship, no matter which type of relationship you’re looking for. Coming off as meager or having confidence issues is a great way to lose the attention of your matches immediately. So how do you convey confidence in your pictures with body language? Make your choices based on these factors, or take new photos that have these effective elements in them!

Take up Physical Space

The more space you occupy in your photos, the more confident you’ll seem! You can have fun with this one – maybe you have a picture where both arms are thrown up in the air, or you can take a funny picture like that. Or perhaps you’re in an image that’s closer up, and you take up most of the frame. No matter the pose you choose, make sure it’s not something where you look like you’re slowly curling up into a ball. Make sure you’re looking like you’re sort of expanding – not trying to make yourself smaller. 

Face Up!

Facing down gives a general sense that you’re a downer. For a positive and confident photo, pick one where you’re facing up! Ideally, both your forehead and chest will be facing up in the picture, and your shoulders will be rolled up. Brings a whole new meaning to the term “uplifting,” doesn’t it?

Open Up

That note about not curling up into a ball can be taken a bit further. One thing you don’t want to show is crossing your legs or arms. While this can seem like a charming pose, it gives off a sense of you being a closed or unconfident type of person. That’s not the most attractive way to get daters to send you a message – it makes you seem like you’re being defensive. So leave your torso open so that people know that you’re free of barriers the moment they see the picture!

Keep Micro-Expressions in Mind

When picking pictures, try to choose ones where you are genuinely happy! The fake smile isn’t going to cut it. There are these tiny micro-expressions that everyone involuntarily shows that give them away. If you’re not really happy in the picture, people will be able to notice subconsciously, no matter how great your fake smile looks on the surface. 

The difference between authentic happiness and a fake smile is all about the crow’s feet! When your eyes scrunch up on the sides, that’s an indicator that you’re truly happy.

But only 1 in 10 people can activate those muscles on cue. So it’s much easier to actually be happy before you snap a pic or find a photo where you had a great time than to try and intentionally activate this indicator. 

Take a picture with your pet, think of an amazing memory, or go to your favorite place. It doesn’t really matter how you get in a great mood; just try to be as happy as possible when you take your profile pictures! It’ll make all the difference because people can read how you feel. 

Ever see a picture of someone smiling and think to yourself, “wow, they look miserable/fake”? Don’t put yourself on the other side of that scenario. Laugh a little, take a selfie, and see how wonderfully happy you look!

Get Flirty

There are a few subtle ways that you can get a little flirty with your body language. Picking pictures with straight-on, direct eye contact is going to come off as more professional in tone. When you’re looking off to the side or peering at the camera through your eyelashes, people will get a more casual feeling from you. 

This is for online dating! It’s okay to look a little flirty in your pictures – you won’t come off as doing too much. These little eye tricks aren’t provocative or over-the-top. So if you can tell you look a little flirty, no worries there. That picture’s a great choice to include in your profile.

Show Your Palms

Open hands and showing your palms are going to show your matches that you’re an open and easy-going person. Closed hands are basically fists, which puts off an angry and unattractive demeanor. Choose pictures where your palms are showing a little bit if you can because this exudes a positive and confident vulnerability that your matches will be drawn to!

With that being said, the stop sign isn’t what we’re going for here. Do you know how you put your hands up to tell someone to stop doing something? Yes, your palms are showing, but this particular pose also sends a universally understood signal that’ll have your matches running in the other direction. Even a peak of palm is good – anything is better than having closed fists or literally telling them to stop looking at you. 

Leaning In

If your picture shows that you’re leaning in towards the camera a little bit, it can make you seem like you’re already interested in the person looking at your profile! Leaning in is one of the natural ways that humans share their pheromones – or “love me” particles – with other people. This will speak to their instincts, telling them that you’re already into them!

Head Tilting

The head tilt is a classic way to look more casual and attractive. We also use the head tilt as humans to produce pheromones to attract mates! Take advantage of this aspect of human nature and make yourself seem much more attractive to your matches by tilting your head in your pictures. Facing the camera squarely isn’t going to make you seem like their ideal mate. Come off as highly desirable by framing yourself in a naturally attractive way with a slight head tilt! Note – this does not mean to strain yourself, so you get a crick in your neck. A little tilt will get the message across!

Woman leaning in for a picture smiling while sitting on a couch


When people are attracted to each other, they stroke their hair or fix their clothes because they’re trying to look their best. A picture where you’re touching your hair or have a hand on your tie/jewelry will get that message across through your profile. As long as it seems natural and doesn’t look completely forced, it’ll make you look like you’re trying to impress the person viewing your profile. This innately makes you look like a more attractive option for them to pick up!

Tone of Voice in Your Messages

Believe it or not, your tone of voice tends to say more to a person than what you’re actually saying. So if you’re leaving a message or starting to talk to someone you’ve met with an online dating platform, you’ve got to take advantage of this to get the results you’re looking for! Here are some simple methods to say what you want to say regardless of the words you use.

Pick the Pace

When you get nervous, do you tend to talk a little faster? That’s not just you – that’s what happens to everyone. And it makes people seem out of control and anxious. The good thing about this is that if you’re conscious of it, it’s easier than you think to slow down or just stop talking for a second. And that will help you exude confidence over a voice chat. 

Stretch out your sentences a little bit! We all know how slow is too slow – the point is, if you’re nervous and ready to rapid-fire, slowing down a bit will take you to a normal pace. Slowing down will help you pronounce your words better and get your point across more effectively, no matter what you’re saying. Make a conscious effort to speak a little slowly, and you’ll come off as far more attractive to your date than if you spokelikethis.

Intonation Tricks

Intonation involves the pitch of your voice – whether you’re going with a high or low sound. It also involves the stress and emotion you’re using with your voice. So how can you manipulate your voice a little bit to attract your date?

Lower tones are universally more sexy-sounding than higher ones. If you’re speaking at the height of your vocal range, you’ll come off as stressed and anxious. I’m not saying, please dive into your deepest baritone – just speak in the lower part of your vocal range to convey that subtle sexiness that’ll hook your date on hearing you.

Rising Intonation

Using upward inflection to emphasize some words can make you seem confident, funny, and entertaining to talk to. Using an intentional rise of tone when you’re saying something or describing something that they said is a great way to keep the conversation fun, light, and flowing. With the right use of this little trick, you’re almost guaranteed to make them chuckle!

Lowering Intonation

You can lower the tone of your voice intentionally to seem interested and a little mysterious. When you combine this with slowing down your speech a little more, you’ve got the whole “wow” package when asking a question. Remember the song “dip it low, pick it up slow”? There’s your cheat sheet right there! Thank you, Christina Millian. 

Peaking Intonation

This is a combination of the first two – where your voice rises and dips in succession. Think of how “OOOoooo” sounds in your head – that’s pretty much the idea. This is great for teasing your date a little bit. If you’re getting flirty, this is a great way to emphasize it. Using this every so often will keep your conversation entertaining, engaging, and fun. They’ll probably be calling you again!

Suspenseful Silence (Shhhh)

When you’re on a voice chat with your date, you want to keep them on their toes. One great way to build a little suspense and leave them wanting more is to use silence in a thoughtful way. You know how people like – fill time between their words while they’re thinking with um – all of these uhhhhh filler words? Stop it! Stay silent!

People use these little filler words because they don’t want silence to be awkward when they’re really just making themselves seem more awkward by using words that aren’t really words. Say what you want to say, and if you need a moment to think, shhhhh. Silence isn’t only okay – it serves you well. 

Do you know how a storyteller tells a suspenseful story that keeps you engaged? They create tension through the use of silence. Pause when it can leave your date hanging on a sentence. Here’s an example: “The type of person I’m usually attracted to is — exactly like you.” Isn’t that nice? Wouldn’t you like to hear that exactly like that? They will too!

Vary Your Volume

Staying at the exact same volume of voice for your whole conversation is a great way to put your date to sleep. Mix it up a little bit to keep things interesting and emphasize some words that you want to stand out! I’m not saying yell into the phone or computer – please don’t yell. Whispering to the point that they can’t hear what you’re saying isn’t going to help you either. But small and tactful volume variations can go a long way in keeping the ears of your date perked up. 

Softer volumes pair well with lower tones, and louder volumes work better with higher tones. So you can try to match them up accordingly when practicing the tricks we talked about earlier! Questions are great for the softer side, and teasing works well with louder tones. See if you can play with this trick a little during everyday conversation to take it for a test run before your next voice chat date. This’ll help you gauge how loud is too loud – and how soft is too soft!

Be Yourself!

The best way to make all of these vocal tricks work for you is to be yourself! Being relaxed and having fun with it is going to read better than if you’re trying to force everything. Practice makes perfect, and using these tricks over time will make you an eventual pro. But until then, sticking to topics you’re genuinely interested in will help you overcome any barriers of nervousness or anxiety that’ll show in your tone of voice.

While you’re being yourself, give them a chance to take the reigns by asking them questions you’re really interested in knowing the answers to! You don’t have to talk the majority of the time – you can let them run away with a topic or two instead. That way, you’re getting to know them, making them feel valued, and giving yourself a little time to warm up. 

Take Advantage of These Tips!

Just because you’re connecting with someone online doesn’t mean that body language isn’t going to affect your relationship early on. Before you ever talk to someone, they’re looking at your pictures and getting a read of you – not just what you look like, but who you are as a person and if they want to try and date you. 

So take advantage of these tips! You are the type of person that you’re trying to convey, and you can use these tips to make sure you’re sending an accurate message to your matches.

When people ignore body language and their tone of voice, they’re missing out on so many opportunities to communicate with their matches effectively. 

They’re not necessarily saying the wrong things – they’re just missing the chance to say so much more than their words can convey. And in a rapid-response online dating world with so many options, it’s important to stand out and say as much as you can as soon as possible. Missing opportunities to communicate can make all the difference when it’s so easy to keep looking for other matches. 

Not only do these tips make you a more attractive date, but they also make you more interesting, entertaining, and engaging. They’ll have a whole picture of you painted by the posture in your pictures and a wide-view snapshot of your personality by listening to your tone of voice alone. The words are just the cherry on top – your body language and tone of voice actually account for most of what’s being said!

So say it right, and say everything you want to say without a word! You’ll be surprised at how effective attentive action to these tips can truly be. Somewhere between 70-90% of what you communicate to your matches is derived from these elements – and in online dating, your pictures and your voice are tools that are going to conduct this communication. So, a thoughtful integration of these tips into your online dating life will make you a much more effective communicator, increasing your chances of finding the success you’re looking for!

Scroll to Top