No doubt you’ve heard the wildly popular song from Beyoncé titled “Cuff It.” But what does it mean to ‘cuff’ something? The slang dictionary refers to using handcuffs, but the term is used in the same vein as “hooking up” or “getting hitched.”
It’s also a term for the time of year known as “The Cuffing Season,” or when single people start looking for longer-term relationships to pass the colder months of the year. The season begins in October and lasts until Valentine’s Day.
The hit song’s meaning has several variations, and its lyrics range from kid-friendly to NSFW.
For this purpose,
we’ll stick with the PG-13 version and say that “cuffing it” is finding a partner to cuddle, or cuff, with during this chilly time of the year. This means you are prepared to invest fully with no hesitation.
The question becomes, are you ready to “cuff it?”
Are You Ready to Settle Down for the Season?
You’ve spent the last few months hanging out and dating several people. It was fun, too. On Mondays and Wednesdays, you hung out with Mark. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, it was Sam. On Fridays and Saturdays, you met the girls to hunt for new guys to add to the roster. And on Sundays, you rested, only to begin again the next day. It was a good summer.
Now that the days are shorter and you’ve put away all your sandals and summer dresses, you think you’re ready to settle down for the season.
Your parents ask who you’re bringing to the family holiday functions, but you’re clueless. Here are 9 indicators you may be ready to settle down and cuff it.
You’ve been casually dating for a while now, and you’re tired. You’re sick to death of forgetting the guy’s name, so you call him “Hey you” all the time.
He keeps asking you to meet his parents, but you have no interest in doing so. The last time he asked you, the only excuse you could come up with was that you were flying to Guam later that day.
You’re running out of excuses, and if you don’t dump him soon, you’ll be right there toasting the New Year with his mom, dad, and little brother Abe.
2). You Ask More Serious Questions
You skip the “What’s your favorite color?” or the “Who’s your favorite basketball team?” questions. Instead, if you’re choosing to settle down, you ask more serious questions like, “What do you look for in a girlfriend?” or “Have you ever thought about getting married?” In addition, you want to know about his career and whether or not he rents or owns.
7 Questions to Ask Him before Getting into a Serious Relationship
Guys that are just buddies or ones that you’re casually dating are different than the guy you wish to settle down with. Always ask questions before deciding if he’s the one.
What’s Your Definition of Cheating?
Some women think messaging a girl on social media is cheating. But he thinks differently. Before you cross that bridge, ask, so you’ll know if you’re on the same page.
Do You Lie in Your Relationship?
This is a trick question because if he responds ‘no,’ he’s lying. All relationships keep secrets, and not necessarily the huge whoppers like infidelity or filing for bankruptcy secrets. These lies are minor, like him telling you that dress looks great on you even though he thinks you look like Quasimodo in it.
Lying and other dealbreakers in a relationship
- Verbal/Emotional Abuse
- Physical abuse
- Substance abuse
Personal Deal Breakers
- Liking/Disliking their friends
- Wanting/Not wanting kids
- Being clingy or needy
- Different political, social, and religious beliefs
- Difference in spending/saving habits
- Unwillingness to compromise
- No motivation/aspiration
- Unwilling to try new/different things
- Lack of trust
- Lack of communication
- Different diet
- Working too much
- Long distance
- Spending too much time on social media
- Not making you a priority
- Too much arguing
- Lack of/too much sex drive
Questions to ask regarding sexual preference
- How often do they prefer sex?
- How important is sex to you?
- How long do you prefer to perform?
- Do you enjoy foreplay/cuddling afterward?
What Do You Want from This Relationship?
Are you looking for a long-term relationship, and he’s not? If this is the case, you’re both wasting your time. Finding out things like this is better before you get too involved.
Why Didn’t Your Last Relationship Work Out?
The answer to this question may be straightforward “She cheated on me.” Other times, when a relationship fails, both parties have a hand in its demise. If he tells you they weren’t compatible or outgrew each other, there may be a little more to the story.
Do You Get Along with Your Family?
How he answers this question will let you know you’re in for plenty of family barbecues and parties, or it’ll just be the two of you.
What Do You Appreciate Most about Our Relationship?
If he answers something superficial like sex or hanging out and partying, then this isn’t the guy you want to settle down with long-term.
Do You Want Children?
You may not be ready for little ones running around just yet, but it’s nice to know that you both are on the same page for the future. If you disagree on this subject, is there any room for compromise, or is this a complete dealbreaker?
3). Your ‘Want List’ Has Changed
You used to care about how he looked way more than his personality. Of course, you still want him to look good, but now you find yourself searching for a genuinely good guy with a sense of humor.
After dealing with the Covid lockdown, research done by Legal & General discovered that qualities that people desired in a partner have changed. For example, 47% of those who participated in the study chose loyalty as the most essential quality in a mate.
4). Your Typical Type Is Now Boring
We all have a type. Remember lusting after the bad boy with the muscles and the low cut? The last five guys you dated had that exact look, and you see how those relationships turned out.
Now, not only are you bored with those qualities, you can’t figure out how you were ever attracted to them in the first place. Broadening your horizons is a surefire sign you’re ready to cuff it.
How to Start Dating Outside Your Type
You’ve dated the same type of guy for several years and had the same results. This time you’re going to attempt to go outside of your norm. You’re ready to find someone opposite your type, and here’s how.
- Recognize your type’s flaws: You’ve dated this type for years, and the outcome is the same each time. Why is that? Be aware of those flaws and go for the opposite of that.
- Understand it’s a trial and error process: Things probably won’t go as planned, but give it a chance. Allow your date to show you a new option.
- Use dating sites: Instead of making a beeline for your type at the party, dating sites allow you to use more consideration when choosing. When we see someone in person, we feel we need to make a rash decision on whether that person is what we’re looking for. Dating sites allow more time to decide before choosing.
- Focus on what was missing in previous relationships: If you’ve always dated someone emotionally unavailable, look for someone loving, caring, and who doesn’t have a tough time expressing his emotions this time.
- Don’t drive yourself nuts by overthinking: No rule says your next guy can’t have a few of the same traits as your last one. So what, he’s tall and has dark hair, like your usual guy? But he’s also funny and nice. Don’t write someone off because he’s not the extreme opposite of your type.
5). You’re Thinking About Life’s Significant Milestones
With your last few casual boyfriends, you never, ever thought about things like getting married and buying a house in the country. And kids? Not even a fleeting thought.
But with this new guy, it’s different. Not only do you think about kids, but you’re also naming them. So if you can’t wait to introduce Jack, Janine, Jacob, and Jamie to the world, you are ready to cuff it.
6). Your Friends Know About Him
You never introduced all the other guys as your boyfriend. Instead, they were your friend or your hanging buddy. Suddenly, with this new guy, you’re ready to give him the coveted boyfriend title and don’t care who knows it.
If you bring him to family functions and you’re impressed by how comfortable he is with your friends and family, you may be ready to make this more than a casual fling.
7). You Know at Least One Thing About His Upbringing
I’m not saying you have to memorize where he falls on the family tree, but knowing how many siblings he has is a positive sign—bonus points for being able to name them.
You know things, like how he used to be afraid of the dark when he was a kid and had a dog named PJ. So it’s more than a casual relationship when couples are more vested in each other than just the surface things like looks and what kind of car they drive.
8). The Rules Are Out the Window
You know all the rules; don’t text 48 hours after a date, and don’t friend them on Facebook. But not only did you friend him, you liked a picture of him in 2018. So when you’re ready to have a mature relationship, you toss away all the rules and games.
5 Antiquated Dating Rules to Stop Following
- Allowing him to do all the planning: You have a voice. Let him know what activities you enjoy.
- Let him open the door for you: Give me a break. However, if he does it, don’t fault him, but don’t insist he does it either.
- You should always dress up: Wear what you feel comfortable in and, most importantly, wear appropriate attire for the date. For example, do not–I repeat–do not wear heels if you plan on going hiking.
- Follow their lead: This is old-fashioned and makes it look like you don’t know how to carry a conversation. If you have a topic you’re interested in, don’t be afraid to speak up.
- Expect him to pay: The rule of thumb is, if you ask, you pay. If he asks, he pays. Of course, some guys prefer to pay on a first date regardless, and that’s fine. You don’t need to have a 30-minute discussion on why you consider him a male chauvinist. Accept it and offer to pay on the next date.
9). You Constantly Talk to (And About) Him
You talk to him all freakin’ day long, and when you’re not talking to him, you’re telling your friends about what he said or did. Don’t feel bad; you’re in love. Unfortunately, your friends may be sick of you, but who cares? You’ve found your soulmate.
How to Know You Have Found Your Soulmate
This guy is different from the others. You can feel it in your bones. But then again, you felt that about Marcus, Jim, and Sean. What makes this different? Read on to see the signs that this guy could be the one.
- You’re always in their corner, no matter what
- You don’t even think about dating another
- You’ve never felt this way before
- You see them in your future
- They add extra to your already good life
- You respect everything about them
- You think of them often
- You have similar goals
- You trust them, and they trust you
- You have no trouble compromising
- It hurts when you argue
- You can agree to disagree
- You feel loved and appreciated
As the cooler months draw near, you may be looking for a relationship that’s less casual and more long-term. Of course, cuffing it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re your soulmate, but they are more than a fling. And who knows, maybe they will be the one after all.