You’ve worked hard, become a success, and fulfilled all your wildest dreams professionally. Now, with a few bucks in the bank, nice clothes, and a new air of confidence around you, people are starting to look at you differently. Suddenly, members of your preferred dating pool find your anecdotes entertaining; everything you say is funny and/or interesting!
How can you know they like you for you?
It’s a common issue for rich and successful men and women alike! On the one hand, you’re exuding more confidence, and people are attracted to self-assuredness – but on the other, they might be using you for your money and status.
In this blog, we’re going to explore seven clear signs that you’re in a relationship with a gold digger. But first, let’s discuss what “gold digger” even means.
What Is a Gold Digger
If you somehow avoided Kanye West’s 2005 massive hit single “Gold Digger” (featuring Jamie Foxx), and aren’t familiar with the term, don’t worry; we’ve got you covered. A gold digger is someone who uses romantic partners exclusively for money and/or status.
Most of the time, the term “gold digger” is used to describe young, beautiful women who date or marry older rich men. However, that doesn’t mean this phenomenon is unique to women.
There are lots of good-looking younger men who shack up with older women – often called “cougars” — in exchange for cash, gifts, and extravagant experiences. It also happens in gay, lesbian, and non-binary relationships.
As it turns out, people of all orientations and backgrounds like to use their wealth to score attractive young partners or their looks to obtain financial security!
Without further ado, here are seven signs that you’re in a relationship with a gold digger.
1. They Have Very Expensive Tastes (That They Can’t Afford on Their Own)
One of the first red flags that you’re dating a gold digger is they have extremely expensive tastes that, upon further investigation, they shouldn’t be able to afford. When you met, they may have been rocking designer handbags, red-bottom shoes, and blinged-out jewelry. Everything from their clothing to their hair and makeup is done to the max. They may even drive a luxury vehicle.
When you offer to buy them a drink, they want top-shelf liquor or the finest champagne – and order it without a hint of embarrassment. The same goes for when you make dinner plans – they only recommend the trendiest, most costly spots. Every facet of their existence revolves around wanting the best of the best.
How Do They Maintain Their Lifestyle?
Hey, there’s nothing wrong with liking nice things! At first, you might just assume that they bought all their designer goods themselves. And maybe they’re a foodie that knows all the swankiest bars and restaurants!
Eventually, though, you realize that there’s no way they’re paying for it all themselves. You start to wonder how a bartender or barista – if they’re employed at all — is affording such a lavish lifestyle. How many vacation days could she possibly have per year?!
If something doesn’t add up between their profession and their quality of life, it’s almost assuredly because they’re gold diggers. Every purse, lip injection, and high-heel shoe was gifted to her by a Sugar Daddy – probably in exchange for sex.
Whether you want to participate in financing her existence is entirely up to you!
Never Offers to Split or Pay the Bill
Something else to watch out for is how they react to the notion of paying for all the pricey meals and gifts they expect from you. If your significant other recognizes that they have expensive tastes and wants to help chip in or split the bill from time to time, that’s a good sign.
There’s nothing wrong with liking nice things if you’re willing to contribute.
The problem is when it never even occurs to them to pick up a tab – or at least offer! Gold diggers sit back and expect to be wined and dined without ever reaching for their wallet.
Personally, I prefer to pay for the full check when I go on a date. Maybe I’m too old school to feel comfortable going Dutch — but she should at least offer. Don’t let them take you for granted from the start. That’s a surefire way to find yourself in a relationship with a gold digger.
Entitled and Ungrateful
One last point I’ll make about gold diggers’ expensive tastes is how unappreciative they are to receive and experience such things. They usually give off a sense of entitlement – they believe their looks mean that they deserve to be spoiled by potential suitors, who are just lucky to be in their presence.
They also rarely conduct themselves as one might expect from someone living such a high-class lifestyle. People who are raised wealthy are often taught proper manners and know how to present themselves as humble and gracious, even if they’re accustomed to receiving the best that money can buy.
Your average gold digger didn’t grow up wealthy; they’re hoping to use their looks to climb the social ladder. They’ll often lack basic table manners and forget to express any form of gratitude for the experience. You won’t hear “please” or “thank you.”
That’s the problem with entitlement; a gold digger doesn’t appreciate being treated to things they’d otherwise never afford because they expect it all as a condition of being in their company – and they have zero intention of returning the favor!
If your date has caviar taste and chicken wing etiquette, you’re probably in a relationship with a gold digger (I’m beginning to feel like Jeff Foxworthy – “you might be a redneck!”).
2. They’re Overly Concerned with Income, Image, and Status
It’s normal to ask what somebody does for a living shortly after meeting them. It’s almost always one of the first three questions we ask after being introduced to someone new. In most cases, the answer provides a decent amount of insight into the person’s income, education level, interests, and lifestyle. However, it doesn’t give us the whole picture.
If you’re talking to a gold digger, they’ll probe further in an attempt to determine whether you’re worth their time. After asking what you do, they may ask for your position in the company. Maybe they’ll inquire about the number of employees who report to you. An especially bold gold digger may come right out and ask about your salary or if you’re an executive or middle manager.
The more they prod, the more determined they are to assess your status and income level. Any more than one or two of these kinds of questions is a major red flag. They’re sizing up your pockets to see how much money they can extract.
However, this mostly applies to questions that are specifically centered around your earning potential. There’s nothing wrong with a date taking an interest in your professional life. It’s also perfectly normal to be impressed by prestigious careers. If you’re a doctor, people are going to want lots of details.
The difference-maker is whether they’re fascinated by the work itself or just what it pays. Also, watch out for people who want to date a high-value professional, like a doctor or lawyer, for no other reason than the clout. Again, you should be able to discern their intentions based on the line of inquiry and what interests them most.
If you fall into a relationship with a status-obsessed gold digger, you’ll never be secure in your position. You may be a doctor, but as soon as they meet someone a little more successful or powerful, they’ll dump you for them. Gold diggers are always looking to reach the next rung on the ladder.
3. They Only Work on Their Physical Appearance
One of the easiest ways to identify gold diggers is by paying attention to their interests, hobbies, and ambitions — or lack thereof. They almost always put all their eggs in one basket: physical appearance. They know where their bread is buttered and what they bring to the table and focus all their energy and efforts on that one area.
Everything is about looks. You’ll never hear a gold digger talk about her career goals or a social cause they read about. All they do is:
Getting their hair styled
Getting their nails done
Visiting med spas (for all sorts of lifts, tucks, and injections)
Shopping for designer clothes and accessories
And between appointments, they’re posting videos and pictures of themselves on social media.
Ask your date about their goals for the future, and nine times out of ten, they’ll tell you whether they’re a gold digger. You’ll know because their answer will either be about acquiring material possessions or gaining more notoriety, thus increasing their perceived status – things that put them in line to land bigger and better benefactors.
If everything they talk about is physical, materialistic, or related to social media clout, they’re probably gold diggers. Count how many selfies they take while you’re in each other’s company. Once they exceed five selfies (and I’m being very generous here), you’re in a relationship with a gold digger. Abandon ship!
4. They Use Sexuality as a Manipulation Tool
Gold diggers are looking for strictly transactional relationships. The only time they’re interested in sex is when you’ve given them money, bought them a nice gift, or taken them on a trip. Romance never comes without a cost. That’s not a relationship; it’s prostitution.
In the worst cases, a gold digger will blatantly withhold sex until they feel you’ve “earned” it. But most of the time, they don’t need to be so obvious about it. Your subconscious mind will notice the pattern before you do. The next thing you know, you’re dying to buy her extravagant things to trigger the desired reaction.
Gold diggers will also use surprise pregnancies to get what they want. Maybe your significant other is plenty sexual without needing gifts and money – maybe she’s thinking long-term. Why worry about what you can give her now when a single child together entitles her to a significant chunk of your wealth?
In some states, when a kid is involved, the breadwinner is required to maintain the child’s standard of living when they’re living with their less fortunate parent. So, if you have a mansion with all the bells and whistles, they don’t want the mom’s custody time to be spent in a one-bedroom apartment. Whether through child support or alimony, they’ll make you cut a massive monthly check to even the playing field some.
If you’re not entirely sure that your partner is with you for the right reasons, be extra careful to avoid pregnancies. Do whatever it takes to intercept the payload before it gets anywhere important, and make sure everything is disposed of permanently before leaving its sight.
Always use protection. Don’t blindly trust her to take the pill or some other contraceptive device. There’s too much at stake. Ask Antonio Cromartie and Dwight Howard.
5. They’re Always Having Financial Problems
Gold diggers are always experiencing some new financial crisis. Maybe you’ve taken them on some expensive dates and purchased the occasional gift, but now they want cold, hard cash. Some gold diggers are more tactful about how they go about getting you to give them money.
If a gold digger thinks you’ll be resistant to a straight-up financial transaction, they’ll sell you a sob story that paints them as a victim of circumstance in desperate need of saving. At first, they probably won’t even suggest that the money comes from you.
Their goal is to make you think it’s your idea to step in as the White Knight.
Of course, once this scam works, your gold-digging partner will undoubtedly hit a string of never-ending bad luck. Every other week they’ll have car troubles or be unable to pay their rent or bills. When you try to spend time with them, they won’t be available because of the current ongoing financial drama. If only it were to suddenly be resolved…
Once you send more cash, she treats you like her hero for the night (and maybe reciprocates with sex), and the pattern starts all over again. If you’re curious whether you did the right thing by bailing them out of some trouble, pay attention to their spending habits after you’ve helped them out. If you don’t see any drastic changes in their behavior, you’re in a relationship with a gold digger – and they will definitely ask for more money for another reason soon.
The earlier your new potential mate tests the waters with one of these financial emergencies, the bigger the red flag. If they try it before you’ve even gone on a date, ghost them immediately.
6. They Should Otherwise Be Out of Your League
Let’s be real: we all have a general idea of the level of partners who are in our league. Whenever a budding relationship feels too good to be true, it usually is. There are no “diamonds in the rough” that nobody else noticed before you.
If you’re a 6, and all of a sudden, gorgeous, well-dressed, charismatic, supermodel types are giving you their undivided attention, there’s probably a good reason. She’s a gold digger, and you have what she’s looking for in a mate: whether it’s money, status, or fame.
If you’re okay with that exchange, there’s nothing wrong with enjoying the fruits of your success. Just don’t delude yourself into thinking the attraction is based on anything else. Or that they’ll still be there if your situation changes, or she has an opportunity to upgrade to someone richer or more famous.
The biggest red flag is when someone who should be out of your league is moving at an unusually fast pace. Ask yourself why they’re in such a hurry to escalate the relationship. Try to slow things down if you can and force them to show their hand.
Unfortunately, it’s the beautiful ones who are hardest to reject. If your dream girl seems anxious to sleep with you on the first night you’ve met, what do you think that means? Chances are, you’re dealing with a gold digger looking to lock you down with pregnancy. All she needs is to find one dupe, and she’s financially set for life.
When someone truly likes you, they want to build a foundation of trust and friendship first. They’re rarely eager to rush to bed on night one. And even if they are especially sexual and interested in sleeping together, they’ll respect your wishes to be patient.
If they seem desperate to get you into bed, head for the hills. I don’t care how hot they might look. They have nothing good planned for you and are willing to do some pretty despicable things for money. That’s not someone you want to raise a child with for the rest of your life.
7. Their Mood Is Directly Tied to You Buying Them Things/Taking Them Places
The most talented gold diggers know how to be subtle and patient. In a way, they can gradually train you, like one of Pavlov’s dogs, to behave exactly how they want, without ever making a demand or asking you for anything.
Gold diggers do this by altering their mood in response to everything you do without coming out and expressing their desires. They’ll be the perfect girl or boyfriend anytime you do what they want, then sour quickly, seemingly out of nowhere. Eventually, you’ll find yourself buying them gifts and taking them places to keep the good vibes alive, even if they never ask you for anything.
It’s all positive and negative feedback loops. The more oblivious you are, the easier you are to control.
Accepts Gifts as Apologies
You’ll also notice that their anger is never tied to a specific thing you said or did wrong. No matter the offense, an expensive gift will get them over it. That’s not how real relationships work. You can’t just buy yourself out of every dispute. Real apologies require communication and understanding, and cooperation.
If you can fix every problem with material goods, you’re dating a gold digger. They probably don’t even care about the conflict at hand; they know it’s one way to get what they want from you.
If you’re curious about whether this is what your partner is doing, try resolving your next argument with a cheap, heartfelt gift with no monetary or social value. Something unique between the two of you. When it’s rejected and treated as an insult, you know you’re in a relationship with a gold digger!