Are you in a new relationship and already see possible signs he’s cheating on you? Some things don’t add up, and you have a suspicious feeling in your gut. Your partner has been acting moody, distant, or even way too nice lately.
You don’t want your thoughts to go there, but you can’t help it. Could your man be cheating on you?
No one likes to think they’re dealing with a cheater–after all, you picked him, so what does that say about you? But cheating happens pretty frequently. According to a recent survey by the University of Chicago, approximately 15% of married women and 22% of married men admitted to being unfaithful at least once.
Do you see signs that say he’s cheating? The following clues may help you determine whether or not you’re correct.
6 Sneaky Signs that Say He’s Cheating
1. He’s Just a Bit Too Mysterious
Usually, the mysterious factor is a big plus when you’re in a brand-new relationship. It’s fun and exhilarating to be with someone new, someone you’re just getting to know better. You’re discovering who that person is and what makes them tick. This is the part that makes new love so thrilling and inviting.
However, if you’re months–or even years–into your relationship and your partner is still extremely vague about his work, family, friends, and past, watch out! He could be subconsciously distancing himself from you on an emotional level, or he may be consciously withholding information to ensure he doesn’t get caught in one of his lies. Either way, he has something to hide, and he’s doing all he can to cover it up.
Reasons Why Some Would Rather Be in a Toxic Relationship than Be Alone
Fear of Being by Themselves Forever
You’ve settled before, and since there are over a billion people on this planet, you’ll find someone else to be with again, but only if you leave this person. But next time, you’ll land a happy and healthy relationship.
Fear of Change
You may not realize it now, but you want things to change. If it doesn’t, how can you move on and find your true love?
Start by seeing who’s out there. Have your friends fix you up or check out online dating apps. But it isn’t about picking your usual type. Go for a different kind of person.
For example, have you ever visited a Christian dating site? What about checking out a dating app with people closer to your age?
Or, instead of getting specific, visit a general online dating app like eHarmony or Match. This way, you have many types to choose from. The idea is to stop fearing change and instead embrace it.
Fear of Loneliness
Even if you stay in a toxic relationship, you’re pretty lonely anyway. So why not get out of it and make room to find someone who can uplift you as a partner should?
Fear of Loss
You may have had plenty of losses in your life, and you don’t think you can handle one more, so you decide to stick with this person until the end. Our question to you is: don’t you want to be happy before that end comes?
Fear of Failure
What made you believe that you were a failure in your relationship? Is that what your partner told you? Sometimes relationships don’t work out, so stop beating yourself up about it. Make the break and realize that you are loveable and intelligent. Just because this relationship didn’t survive doesn’t make that any less true.
Fear of Independence
Often, people don’t think they can make it on their own because they’ve been stuck in their relationship for so long. You have family and friends, so why not make the move?
Fear of Abandonment or Rejection
Some may fear being unworthy of love or that people will consider them unworthy of love. This is simply not true. You must understand that you are loveable–and may not be with them, and that’s okay, but you have plenty of people that love and support you.
If it feels like you can’t make the break in your unhealthy relationship, consider seeking professional help. The reason for your feelings may be an underlying issue from your past, and a licensed therapist may be able to help.
2. He’s Convinced Himself That You’re the Cheater
Some people can be more suspicious than others. If your partner is suddenly accusing you of cheating, it’s likely because he’s been unfaithful and projecting his dirty lowdown deeds onto you. Why do people do that? Because now that he’s cheating, he understands that you can do the same thing (and potentially get away with it like he thinks he is.)
So, if your usually happy and healthy partner has suddenly been stressed-out with unjustified jealousy, be careful. Before, you could come and go as you pleased, but now he wants to know where you’re going, with who, and how long you’ll be out.
If your partner starts texting you numerous times for silly things when you go out (did you buy milk, did you feed the dog?), he’s checking up on you because he thinks you could be cheating when, in fact, he’s the one being unfaithful.
3. He Appears to Be Compensating
If a cheater has a conscience, he’ll feel guilty for his malicious acts. So, to compensate for his guilt, he’ll start acting extra nice toward you. He’ll send flowers and gifts for no reason. He’ll even throw in a few “I love yous” for good measure.
By no means are we suggesting that every time a guy does something nice for his woman, it’s a sign that he’s cheating, but if suspicious behavior immediately follows his gifts, it’s a red flag. Not only is he attempting to ease his guilt, but he’s also trying to distract you into believing that everything is cool.
Another thing to watch for is if he’s extra helpful around the house, especially if he wasn’t before. For example, he used to bitch and moan whenever you asked him to take out the garbage. Now, he does it before you can even ask.
Or, he used to wait for you to come home from work to make dinner, but now he offers to take you out to eat–and pays! If things like this happen regularly, ladies, beware!
4. He’s Always Working
When people think of a stereotypical cheater, they tend to imagine the guy who puts in long, tedious hours at the job but is really carrying on an illicit affair. Well, there’s a good reason why that stereotype exists.
Cheaters use work to cover up their affairs because no one will question it. It’s the quintessential excuse to come home late, spend extra hours on the weekend, and go on a business trip. This especially rings true if you hold a night job.
In some cases, men claim they’re going to their 11 pm – 7 am night job only to hop in the car and head to another woman’s house. They’ll get free reign for two reasons.
- Their partner thinks they’re working
- Their partner is asleep during those hours.
So, for a cheater, it’s a perfect setup. Just because your partner works non-stop definitely doesn’t make him a cheater, but as we previously stated, he can use work as an excuse. If he’s constantly working and doesn’t seem to have any energy and time left for your relationship, something has got to give.
5. He Has a Lot of Women Friends
Have you ever dated a man who talked to every woman he encountered? And not just speak politely to them; he brought out the big guns–the flirty lines.
When you called him on it, he simply said, “There’s nothing wrong with being a nice guy.” He’s the type of person you’d leave alone for five minutes at a party only to come back and find him talking/flirting with one or two women.
Then you have the guys who know a lot of women and always happen to run into them no matter where you go, whether it’s a concert, a flea market, or to the dog groomers, BAM! You’ve run into another one of his “female buddies.” If these situations haven’t made you scratch your head and think, hmmmmm, they should.
When a guy has a lot of girl “friends” or seems to know every girl within a 75-mile radius, you should handle him with extreme caution. This isn’t to bash men and say all guys who consider themselves a lady’s man is a cheater, but you should seriously consider if this is the kind of guy you want.
It takes a highly secure woman to deal with this situation because we all know some women can be relentless and flirt with a man right in front of their wife/girlfriend without a second thought.
6. Family and Friends Drop Hints
There are some constants regarding relationships and love, but there is one thing you’ll always be able to count on; your loved ones. You may not want to listen to what they say about the guy you love, but most times, they’re right because they can see things you can’t.
So, if they’re dropping hints, “Isn’t it bizarre how often he works?” or “What’s the deal with him and his ex?” stop and take heed.
Soul-Sucking Relationships-Are You Stuck in One?
In a recent survey of more than 100 dating experts, approximately 89% believe that at least half of all couples are in unhealthy, toxic relationships.
Finding Red Flags in a Toxic Relationship.
Red flags include anything from criticism, jealousy, gaslighting, disrespect, and cheating. But those aren’t the only signs to look out for. Other common warning signs are:
- Your partner constantly seems hostile: do you feel you’re walking on eggshells all the time around your partner because you don’t want to set them off? This is not a healthy relationship.
- Your partner avoids you on purpose: Does it seem as though they never want to be around you? They may give you mixed messages, making you feel confused. For example, they’ll tell you they love you but don’t act like they do.
- Your partner constantly belittles you: Do they demean you regularly? Are you on edge most of the time because you feel like anything you don’t won’t please them? If they criticize or embarrass you in public, it’s a definite read sign you’re in a toxic relationship.
- Your partner doesn’t fight fair: Do they resort to name-calling and low blows while you’re in an argument? When you attempt to hurt someone with words, you behave in a toxic manner. When name-calling is present, problems can escalate quickly. This makes it challenging to create a connection and intimacy in the relationship.
- Your partner refuses to change and won’t discuss relationship issues: Can your partner ever be self-reflective and see what they’re doing wrong instead of always blaming you? When you express your feelings and ask for what you need from them, do they listen or ignore you and keep the relationship as it was?
- You don’t feel like you can be your true self: This is because you’re mostly trying to please your partner, so you change your likes, dislikes, and opinions to suit them.
- Your partner acts like a parent and not a lover: By parent, we mean they decide your career, what school you’ll attend, and who you can hang out with. It sounds like we’re referring to a child, but you are in a toxic relationship if this is how your partner treats you.
Your thoughts and opinions don’t matter, so they don’t bother asking you. Your partner may make you regret it later on if you attempt to express your ideas, so you don’t bother.
Final Thoughts
When you deal with a cheater who’s also your partner, it’s undeniably challenging. Still, if you have people in your corner who care about you enough to point it out, you can overcome any relationship issue.
