In a recent study, researchers asked men what they believed women most wanted in a man. One of the top three answers was for them to do what they asked.
The same researchers asked women what they most wanted in a guy, and most agreed that they wanted a guy that did what they asked.
But some took it a step further and said they would appreciate it even more if the guy didn’t wait until they asked them to do certain things. Instead, they would love for him to take the initiative and just do it.
You had a fairytale relationship. You met your soulmate on eharmony, dated for a while, professed your love for one another, and finally walked down the aisle to become husband and wife.
Doing so means that you can have a happy and healthy relationship as long as you wake up in the morning and ask yourself, “What is it that I can do today to make it a better day for my partner?”
Of course, as days turn into months and months turn into years, it’s simple to slip into the “I deserve to take care of my own needs” attitude. Can you imagine if she thinks the same thing? Once you settle into that mindset, it can be disastrous for your relationship.
So, if you want to keep your relationship intact, we offer you a list of simple things you can do to remind your wife/girlfriend why she chose you in the first place.
You’ve probably done a few of these things, but sometimes men are more reactive than proactive. The goal here is to take action, no questions asked, before she has to ask you.
Ten Things That Lead to Healthy Relationships:
There are no guarantees, but we bet if you do all–or at least some–of these things, you’ll realize that your needs are taken care of. Make an effort to spread out these actions over time because too much of a good thing all at once can make you quickly go from a hero to suspicious.
1. Create Your Own “Honey-Do” List.
For those that don’t know, a “honey-do” list is a checklist a wife usually creates so he can quickly complete all needed things. While men keep the list on their heads (or so they say), women prefer to write them down since a million things need to be done (fix the dryer, pick up the kids, mop the floor, fix the drain, etc.)
So, when wives ask their husbands about a neglected chore, it doesn’t matter how you answer; they’ll assume you’re bluffing.
Wife: “What happened to the tire you said you were going to fix today?”
Husband: “I had a change of plans and decided to do it tomorrow instead.”
Wife: “Uh-huh” (while side-eyeing)
Guys, move out of bluff mode and follow her lead by making a shortlist. It’s pretty easy to do. Grab a beer, a piece of paper, and a pen, and check around the house for everything that needs to be done.
Suppose she finds your list. That’s good. If she doesn’t, she’ll find out about it after you complete chore number three. You don’t need to boast about it; just do it.
2. Git’ er Done!
Once your list is complete, start the work. When you’re done, cross each item off your list. Let’s be honest here–many items on that list won’t take long at all, so glance it over and get to it. If she asks, “What are you doing?” simply state, “I’m knocking off the stuff on my list.”
If you’re not particularly handy with tools, call a professional to take care of the items on the list. The point is to demonstrate that you’re working to get things done around the house, and you’re willing to step up to make sure that happens.
You don’t want to look at your list and forget about it. You want to deal with the list regularly, so be vigilant about attending to it. If you’ve finished the first list, make another one. As long as you’re creating–and completing–lists, she won’t feel the need to give you hers. She may add one or two items to your list, but she’ll respect your initiative.
3. Surprise Her with Flowers.
One reason you should shower her with flowers is that it’s a simple act that means a lot. Okay, this may seem cliche, but it’s a great gesture, especially on non-holidays like birthdays, anniversaries, or Valentine’s Day.
The best part is you don’t have to go out of your way. All grocery stores and many convenience stores sell flowers. For example, if you’re purchasing your medication at the pharmacy, pick up a dozen roses. If you stop at the gas station on your way home, you can pick up a bunch of flowers.
A guy who walks through the door on a random day with a beautiful bouquet of sunflowers will be the hero in his wife’s eyes.
While most flowers are relatively cheap in the grocery store or a gas station, some aren’t. Or maybe you just feel like flowers aren’t a gift that’s unique enough. After all, any guy can slap down his debit card for a plant wrapped in cellophane.
If you feel this way, you should consider free flowers because they’re out there, and they’re, well, free! Keep a pair of cheap scissors in the glove compartment of your car, so if you find some gorgeous wildflowers by the side of the road, snip away.
She’ll appreciate the gesture even more. She knows you ventured from your car to cut them from the side of the road on your way home from a long day at work. It doesn’t get more romantic than that–or does it? Keep reading and find out.
4. Ease Her Worries.
Men and women are built differently, and guys often have the reputation of being less worriers than women. For guys, it’s like a tumbleweed blowing around in the desert; it just keeps moving around, not landing anywhere specific. For women, worry is more like the iceberg in the middle of the ocean; it’s heavy and sits there, going nowhere.
The best thing a guy can do is let her know that he understands that she’s worried about something. It could be money-related. In this case, suggest making an appointment with a financial strategist or doing online research about the subject. Sometimes, all she wants to know is that you’re on board, and that’s enough to drop the worry level a few notches.
Never ask, “Is something bothering you?” Open your eyes and ears, and you’ll figure it out.
5. Complete a Task from Her List.
This time, it is not about your list. It’s more about the tasks she has to complete herself.
For example, she has to do a boatload of laundry, but she is working late every night this week. When you get home, do the laundry for her so she doesn’t have to.
Remember, it’s asking yourself what you can do to make your partner’s life easier, and if laundry is on that list, do it.
Imagine her delight when she walks through the front door, exhausted from her day, and sees that you’ve not only washed your clothes but also cleaned hers and the kid’s laundry. If you want to impress her even more, don’t forget to fold and put the clothes away.
6. Write Her a Special Card, Note, or Letter.
With texting and messaging a thing, gone are the days of writing out something personal to someone. It’s a shame because it’s so easy to do and means a lot to the receiver because it’s an act that people rarely (if ever) do.
Take a few moments out of your busy date and jot down a few sweet thoughts running through your mind. Pop it into the mail and send it to her job or home.
It’s so rare for people to receive personal mail, so she’ll be completely caught off guard–in a positive way. If you like, kick it up a notch by including a gift card for a cup of coffee or lunch near her job.
7. Write Her Mother a Card, Note, or Letter.
This idea is along the same lines as the previous suggestion. The only variation is you’ll send this card to a different address. Confide in your mother-in-law the things about your wife that you love and cherish.
Include your mother-in-law in the compliments by telling her you appreciate her raising such a lovely and caring person. Not only will your spouse appreciate the kind words toward her, but she’ll also enjoy your pleasant words toward her mother.
8. Do Something She Enjoys That You Don’t Understand.
Couples often have outside interests–some of those the other person may not understand, like fencing, opera, and playing blackjack on the phone. While it can sound simple enough, making an effort to get to know and understand a particular interest of your partner that you’ve ignored for years is a powerful tool.
So, how do you do that? You know what her interests are that you’ve dismissed for years. If she enjoys wine, but you’re more of a beer guy, take her to a wine tasting. Combine her two passions–wine and art–and sign up for a sip-and-paint.
9. Create a Personal Oasis Just for Her.
Whether or not you think it’s true, most women have a greater responsibility for taking care of the children. It’s designed by nature this way, but you can offer assistance. How you do this depends on your situation, but contribute and step in and help whenever possible.
For example, wait until you know she’s having a rough afternoon, then swoop in to save the day by creating a relaxing environment.
Pick up a charcuterie board and a bottle of wine. When she gets home, volunteer your services and take the kids out to their favorite fast food spot. Tell her to spend the next two hours relaxing and soaking in a bubble bath you’ve drawn.
When you come home, make it your responsibility to get the children ready for bed. When they’re fast asleep, enjoy an adult dinner and the remaining wine together.
10. Go beyond What She Expects from You.
We can’t tell you how to do this since all relationships are different. So, a statement like this is all relative. But consider this idea being the big surprise off this list. Going beyond what she expects is likely something that needs time and some planning to execute successfully.
For example, it could be sending her to a weekend spa with her mother or girlfriends. It could be giving up something you like so you can afford to hire a private chef or a cleaning person a couple of times each month.
Whatever it is, we suggest trying a few actions between one and nine before attempting this last idea. After all, the goal is to help make her life happy. Of course, if that’s not your goal, this list isn’t for you.
And think about it, doing these actions aren’t tricky, plus they’re typically things you won’t have to spend a lot of time, effort, and money on. Just doing a few of these here and there will create a happy and healthy relationship, and ultimately, isn’t that your goal?