It feels like you’ve been dating forever and are ready to take the next step. Or are you? Marriage isn’t something to be taken lightly, but you really do love your partner. But what if they aren’t the right one? What if they don’t want children? What if they want too many kids? What if? What if? What if?
You can go on for days and wait to decide whether you should pop the question. However, if you are in a committed relationship and have been for quite some time, here are 10 surefire signs to ponder before asking for your partner’s hand in marriage.
You Don’t Keep Secrets from Each Other
Remember telling your best friend about everything, from who was dating whom to who got promoted at work? Your best friend is now your partner, and you tell them everything. Aside from gossip, everything you might have kept to yourself in the past, you now choose to tell your partner. Everything about your relationship is now open, which is good because you have absolutely nothing to hide.
Down the road, nothing can surprise you because you tell your partner everything. Not keeping secrets is one sure sign that you are at ease in your relationship and ready to take it to the next level.
You Don’t Foresee Any Issues You Can’t Overcome Together
If you plan on spending the rest of your lives together, you know that means overcoming life’s obstacles. But, unfortunately, there will be trying times regardless of how much love and respect you have for one another.
However, because your bond is so strong, if you have to go through obstacles (and you do), you’d prefer to go through them with someone you trust. Marriages aren’t like college degrees; you obtain one, and it’s done. Just because you get a marriage certificate doesn’t mean the work is complete. In fact, it’s the exact opposite. You have to work on marriage continuously to ensure its success. If you know your partner is the one that will put in the effort, they are definitely marriage material.
You Don’t Fight about Money
Money is one of the top three reasons why a couple breaks up. If you plan to spend the rest of your lives together, discussing—not arguing about—money is imperative, and you get that. So it’s a good sign if you find that, after several years together, you never (or rarely) argue about finances.
As you make future plans for more significant financial purchases like buying a house together, taking vacations, or even purchasing a car, money will come up. It’s a touchy subject that can turn ugly. However, you already have a proven track record of being able to discuss money without arguing. Not only is that good, but it’s also a necessity.
Tips to Have a Healthy Financial Relationship with Your Partner
- Don’t let salary difference matter – It shouldn’t matter who makes the most money. If you decide to make the financial decisions equally, stick to that.
- Keep purchases out in the open – Financial infidelity can be a dealbreaker in a relationship. So always be open and honest about purchases.
- Understand personality differences regarding money – She may be frugal, while he loves to spend. Understand and accept that. However, never hide financial decisions from each other.
- Keep a joint bank account – Some people believe that keeping two separate accounts can harm the relationship. Others suggest using a joint bank account for significant purchases but keeping individual funds for smaller expenditures. You know which option will fit your relationship best.
You’re Making Future Plans with Your Partner in Mind
You’re ready to propose when you begin planning the future with your partner in mind. For example, do you think about the house you want to buy with the color scheme your partner likes? You know they don’t desire a pool, so are you okay with putting in an outdoor patio instead? You make decisions like this based not only on what you want but also on what your partner wants.
You think about the vacations you want to take together and decide on the Caribbean because your partner has never been there. The decisions you used to make for yourself become the decisions you make together.
The best part is that you genuinely want to share these milestones with them and can’t imagine not having your partner there. This indicates that you are fully committed and 100% comfortable, knowing that you both plan on spending the rest of your lives together.
You Don’t Allow Arguments to Ruin Your Relationship
Of course, you want to avoid a fight, but even the most in-love couples argue. However, if you don’t allow the argument to sour the relationship, you are ready to move forward as a couple.
Arguments are inevitable in a relationship, and you will disagree at some point. However, it’s how you disagree that’s important. Then, you can disagree, avoid the cut-throat statements and the low blows, and still maintain respect.
The key to a healthy relationship is learning how to control anger during a disagreement. Even if the discussion becomes heated, you don’t use the argument as a reason to get revenge or break up. Also, at this point in the relationship, giving up on each other isn’t a factor because you know you’re in it for the long haul.
You Have a Mutual Respect for Each Other
Yes, it takes love to make the relationship work. We’ve heard it in numerous love songs. But do you remember that it also takes a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T? Having respect for your partner is easy when all is roses and candlelight. However, try having that same respect in an argument when all you want to do is take their clothes and fling them out the window.
As mentioned above,
you will inevitably have disagreements. But it’s also how you handle those disagreements. During heated discussions, it’s easy to lose respect and go for the jugular. However, you are ready to move the relationship forward when you argue and still hold back because it could hurt your partner’s feelings.
You Trust Each Other
If you trust each other beyond the shadow of a doubt, it shows that you genuinely know and understand your partner well. You understand their strengths and don’t prey upon their weaknesses. This is how trusting each other is somewhat similar to respecting each other. For example, if in an argument you hold back for risk of saying something you regret, you respect your partner.
You’ve told your partner every secret you have, and why? Because you know that they would never use them against you. Even in an argument, you trust that they won’t use those secrets as ammunition against you, no matter how angry they get, just as you wouldn’t use your partner’s secrets against them.
Your partner is the one you go to when you’ve had a tough day or when you have good news to share. You’re comfortable that they have your best interest at heart as you do theirs.
How to Build Everyday Trust in a Relationship
Having trust in a relationship isn’t a given. Sometimes you have to work at it. Here are 3 ways to build everyday trust with your partner.
- Clearly communicate your intentions – Newsflash! Your partner is not a mind reader, so don’t get upset when they didn’t know you wanted to go out for Valentine’s Day rather than stay in as you planned. This is only one scenario. Communication needs to happen daily. For example, if you want pasta for dinner, tell them that instead of thinking your partner wants the same. It sounds simple enough, but these instances of lack of communication sometimes break up a relationship. On a larger scale, if you’re considering making a major life change like quitting your job, let your partner know. It’s not asking permission; it’s simply keeping them in the loop and demonstrating respect.
- Admit to your mistakes – There’s nothing worse than a know-it-all who’s never wrong. Of course, we all make mistakes, but that’s not the issue. The problem arises when we constantly justify our errors. Your partner wants to know that you will hold yourself accountable for judgment errors and ask how you can improve them.
- Tell the truth – If you’re going to be somewhere, be there. There is no need to lie unless you’re hiding something. Even if you lie to avoid conflict, you risk getting caught; if you do get caught, the severity of the situation can be much worse. Also, if you’re dishonest about the small things, it makes it harder for your partner to trust you with the more important things.
You Respect Their Privacy
Since you trust your partner, you don’t bother going through their phone. You have plans to spend the rest of your lives together, so snooping around can become cumbersome.
You’re in a mature, committed relationship when you don’t have to know everything, and you’re okay with that. That’s because you have complete trust in them. They’ll let you know if and when they are ready to tell you something.
Broken trust can be detrimental to a relationship because it’s challenging to get back on track even when both parties are willing. However, it is possible. Here are 6 ways to get back into your partner’s good graces.
- Communicate – tell them how you feel, why the betrayal hurt you, and what you now need from them to help rebuild.
- Don’t dwell on the past – Okay, so you’ve hurt your partner, but you’re trying to make amends, and dwelling on your past mistakes will not help. Instead, look toward repairing the relationship.
- Give them time – Just because you apologize doesn’t mean they have to accept immediately. They’ve been hurt, so give them ample time to sort through their feelings. The worst thing you can do is rush someone’s forgiveness when they aren’t ready.
- Apologize – Believe it or not, some people can get defensive and play the blame game when caught in deceit. If you did the dirt, apologize for it and really mean it!
- Read their cues – Again, do not get upset if your partner isn’t ready to forgive you immediately. If you see they’re unwilling to discuss it with you, step back and let them come to you when they’re ready.
- Consider why it happened in the first place – Before even attempting to rebuild trust, check in with yourself and understand why you did it. Maybe you wanted to end the relationship and didn’t know any other way. Was there a need not being met? Are you genuinely sorry? Understanding the motive for the betrayal is vital to rebuilding trust.
The Very Thought of Marrying Your Partner Doesn’t Scare You
When you were dating as a younger person, did the thought of marriage with that partner scare you? That’s because you weren’t ready. When asked about a previous partner, many people shudder at the thought of being married to them. Again, that’s because they weren’t ready.
The thought of marriage can make people feel nervous, and that’s natural. However, if thinking about marriage with your current partner makes you smile and gives you more butterflies than jitters, you are ready to make that leap. Ultimately, the future with your partner should feel thrilling, and any fears should be outweighed by anticipation.
You Want to Get Married
Unfortunately, social media can be a considerable influence when thinking about settling down. You are ready to marry when you’re not pressured by social media images, your mom, your cousin, or your best friend. When you really think about it, you genuinely want to marry your partner.
Even just contemplating marriage is a huge step because it shows that you are ready to take your relationship to the next level. Understand that, yes, it is about love, but there are also more components to maintaining a successful marriage. Once you understand this, you are ready to pop the question. Good luck!