The first couple of months of a brand-new relationship can feel like heaven. But don’t get too comfortable because as you get to know one another, you could be making these 10 common relationship mistakes that derail everything without even realizing it.
1. Saying “I Love You.”
You could be falling for them, but that doesn’t matter. Whatever you do, don’t drop the “L” bomb just yet. Keep your date from being overwhelmed (and guard your heart) by taking it slow. Don’t worry. You’re not missing an opportunity to express your feelings. You’ll have plenty of time for the love talk.
However, in the meantime, keep things on a “like” and “enjoy” level. “I like hanging out with you” “I enjoy spending time together.” This way, you can reassure them that you are interested in moving forward but NOT scaring them off.
2. Making Plans for the Future–the Distant Future!
As the show “How I Met Your Mother” once said, “Never make plans with a date further in the future than the amount of time you have been going out,” or something like that. In other words, if you’ve been seeing each other for two months, don’t make plans for a vacation next year.
Of course, in the real world, this rule is null and void once you’re involved with someone in a serious, committed relationship. Otherwise, how could you make marriage vows? But if you’ve been dating someone for a month, keep future plans at a minimum. This is when the pressure should be off, and you’re spending time just getting to know one another.
3. Introducing Your Date to Your Entire Family
It’s one thing to meet up with coworkers or friends for a happy hour drink but inviting your date to your Aunt Hilda’s 75th birthday party is entirely different.
Use the first month of your relationship as a getting-to-know-you stage. No way do you want your cousins jumping to conclusions about where your relationship is headed before you even know. If the relationship continues, there will be a time when the family introductions will come. Just don’t jump the gun and make this relationship mistake.
Also, if you or your partner has children, wait until after the first month to have them meet. Give it some time, and only introduce kids to someone you’re serious with.
4. Discussing Your Future Engagement (Or Wedding)
Don’t get too far ahead of yourself (see #2). You have plenty of time to make wedding plans if you make it past the one-month mark and don’t blow it with engagement talk.
Coincidentally, no one is interested in knowing that you’ve been planning a wedding since you were a kid. You’ve picked out the colors and venue; now, you only need the perfect partner. When you do this, you appear too eager or, worse–desperate.
5. Slamming Your Ex
Your date is looking to get to know you, and you only. Not your ex! Especially not how that jerk dumped you with a text over Christmas break.
This is one of the most common relationship mistakes that people make. In a long-term relationship, don’t worry; all your past dating horror stories will surface at some point. You don’t want to overwhelm them with unnecessary bitter details of your ex so early in your relationship.
You also don’t want to sing your ex’s praises continuously. It’s great that you’ve moved past the bitter stage and now you and your ex get along swimmingly, but your partner may not want to hear that your ex is coming over to chill and watch a movie together or that you’re watching their dog while they go on vacation.
6. Asking for Cash
We don’t know how else to put it, so we’ll say it directly. Never ask for money within the first month of dating, or else it may also be your last month of dating.
Unless they’re your long-term partner, if you can help it, don’t ask for money. Even if it’s a dire circumstance, please use them as a last result.
For example, your tire blew, and you need to get it fixed, but payday is next week. Your partner offers the money to you, but as soon as you get cash in hand, pay it back. There have been countless relationships that broke up over this very same situation, especially the new ones.
If you’re asking for money early in the relationship, what’s your partner thinking? Will this be a regular occurrence? Are they bad at saving? Do they live beyond their means? Am I being scammed? This may not be the case at all, and maybe you just ran into some bad luck, but to them, it’s not a good look. And this common relationship mistake, is NOT cool.
7. Purchasing Something Together
Do not buy something together, especially anything like a dog, a couple’s membership to the gym, or an antique vase. Don’t even purchase a joint lottery ticket.
If you’re only splitting the cost of lunch, then okay, that’s fine. Other than that, keep all purchases separate. You might not even realize it, but when you make joint purchases, you are prematurely adding a layer of commitment to the relationship you may not be ready for yet.
If your partner asks for an opinion on what to purchase for themselves, that’s okay. For example, if they just moved into a new apartment and asked what kind of drapes they should buy for their living room, offering your opinion is fine. However, don’t add things like, “I would go with teal since it’s my favorite color.” They’re buying the drapes for themselves, not you.
8. Giving Them a Key
It would be best if you always had boundaries, especially in the first month of dating. Giving your partner a key to your place says to hell with those boundaries!
You’ve been dating for a month, so you know they like chocolate chip ice cream, long walks on the beach, and apparently accepting a key to your place. But how well do you really know them?
Giving out your key like Oprah gives out cars isn’t a smart thing to do. So, pull back a bit and continue enjoying the beginning stage of the relationship. There will be plenty of time to discuss cohabitating several months from now. Why rush it?
9. Still Using Dating Sites
It’s okay to keep options open, but you don’t want to continue searching for a partner on dating sites if you’re genuinely ready to give this relationship a chance.
However, it’s only been a month in, and maybe you’re not ready to cash in your dating card. You may be halfway there, and instead of committing to pay for online dating sites, you’re using the free trials until you decide if this relationship is for you. That’s okay, too. However, once you agree to be with only each other, dating sites should be off-limits.
10. Show Up at Their Job
This is a big N-O! You don’t want to surprise them at their job without knowing the environment. For example, they may have a boss the prohibits visitors, and you showing up unannounced will embarrass and potentially get them in trouble.
But even if that’s not the case, let them brag to all of their coworkers about you for months before you make your grand appearance. Their work is their space, so respect it. And when you do eventually show up, bring a nice gift, or offer to take them out to lunch.
You want to make a good impression since these are the people your partner spends the most time with. (Read: You want to stay on that pedestal your partner has already placed you on with the coworkers.)
The early stages are exciting, so why would you want to rush it? These common relationship mistakes can bring the whole thing to a halt. This is when you’re discovering new things about your partner, some good and some not-so-good. Take your time to determine whether this relationship is right for you. If you do, the only risk you run is potentially finding your perfect lifetime match.